Military Wives of North Coast by Deb Bostwick

To my friend...

2012-01-05T17:25:00.000-08:00

Today I saw God. Or at least God in action. I witnessed a young mom sit before a camera and record messages to each of her children saying goodbye. It’s hard to put into words what went thru my head. First and foremost – wow. She was so eloquent. She spoke to the camera like each of her 5 children was sitting at her feet. She gave them wisdom, encouraged them to grow to be Godly men and women, to marry Godly spouses, to care for one another and most importantly to love God. Wow. I kept thinking over and over, “This is grace.” Not the grace we speak of as Christians, but grace in the form of beauty, elegance and charm. There are moments in your life you will always remember, moments to be cherished … this was one for me. I felt honored, humbled and totally unworthy to witness this beauty.

I am not sure why we need to make everything about us, but I guess its human nature. As I try to come alongside this family, I can’t help relating it to my own life. My friend is dying from brain cancer. I took care of my mother for 9 months as she battled brain cancer. The similarities are striking, so I have to keep reminding myself that every journey is different. My mother was 60, my friend is 30. My mother was a strong, fiercely independent woman but with a soft heart and warm spirit. I can easily say the same about my friend. The difference comes in that my father died before she did and she left behind two grown daughters. The loss still left a huge hole but as adults we have different comprehension, different understanding and more memories to cling to. My friend is 30. Her husband is young. Her children are young. She is young.

The other difference and I guess the thing that struck me the most as I watched her record her messages is her profound and I truly mean profound faith. I consider myself strong in faith. I don’t doubt God. I walk in obedience. I serve when called. I abide in Him. And, yet I heard my friends words to her husband, to her children, to her family….I was truly humbled. I felt as if I was witnessing something that went so much deeper than what I can understand. God is with her, right now, right here…guiding her, comforting her, bringing her peace. He is there in all His strength and all His glory bringing her home. Though the pain in her husband’s eyes, the confusion in her children’s faces is heartbreaking, it is both reassuring and an honor to witness her journey and the legacy she will leave with her children. And wow is such a weak response but sometimes it is all you can say…

Kind of a cool idea...

2011-11-13T16:27:00.000-08:00

Although I was in retail for many years (yes selling random stuff made in China, but also selling books - if that counts), I love the idea of supporting our local small businesses and entrepreneurs. Read on....
Christmas 2011 -- Birth of a New Tradition

As the holidays approach, the giant factories are kicking into high gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods and merchandise that we don't really need. Do any of us really need one more "thing." We are so rich as a society, so rich as a nation. Even the poorest of us have such wealth in comparison to 90% of the world’s population. We live in the world's wealthiest nation, yet 13 percent of people living in the United States live in poverty. Statistics say that nearly one in four children live in households that struggle to put food on the table.

Ah, but it is the season of giving, let the shopping wars begin. What if this year was just a bit different? What if we include the gift of genuine concern for our neighbors. It's time to think outside the box. Who says a gift needs to fit in a shirt box? Two ideas to consider:

GIVE A GIFT OF SERVICE:

Everyone -- yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local hair salon or barber?

Who wouldn't appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, locally owned detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a book of gift certificates.

Are you one of those extravagant givers? Perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or a foursome to the local golf course.

There are a lots of owner-run restaurants -- all offering gift certificates. And, if your intended isn't the fancy eatery sort, what about a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. We’re not talking big National chains -- this is about supporting your home town neighbors with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.

How many people couldn't use an oil change for their car, truck or motorcycle, done at a shop run by the local working guy?

Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a local cleaning lady for a day. (so would your favorite ministry lead – Ha!!)

My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is struggling to get his repair business up and running.

OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery and beautiful wooden boxes.

Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at your hometown theatre. Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands or selling locally produced music.

As part of celebrating the season, lets encourage American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow their dreams. And, when we care about our neighbors, we care about our communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn't imagine.

GIVE A GIFT OF GIVING:

There are lots of worthy organizations who live and die by the donations we give. Have a cat lover in your family – make a donation to the Humane Society in their name instead of buying them yet one more cat statue.

Instead of buying your sister that pink sweater, donate towards finding a cure for Breast Cancer in her name. (or Brain Cancer, or Heart Disease, or….)

How about feeding the hungry or the homeless in someone’s name?

We want to be festive and celebrate the season, but do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand lights for the house? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about fifty cents stays in the community. Instead how about leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.

GET CREATIVE

Six years ago, when we really needed it, Mick and I received an unexpected check in the mail. It was from a couple in our growth group just reaching out to help make Christmas a little better for us. Six months later when we got on our feet, we used the same amount of money to launch the military minsitry. Each Christmas, Mick and I ask God to put before us a need that has our name on it, a place for us to “spend” our Christmas money. We may have less “stuff” under the tree, but our hearts are filled each year by the people we can reach and the ability to show Gods love.

So whether you support local business or non-profit organizations this Christmas, be thoughtful in your gift-giving. This is a time for caring about each other, as God cared about each and every one of us, and isn't that what the Christmas message is all about?

Is Truth Relative?

2011-09-29T23:29:00.000-07:00

We’ve all heard the phrase that Truth is Relative. Is it? Biblically truth is truth. It’s pretty black and white when you think about. My mother used to say my grandmother was a compulsive liar. Didn’t really matter what subject, big or little, just stretched, exaggerated or manipulated the truth. If it was sprinkling outside, she’d call it a downpour. A friend was 15 minutes late; she’d call it an hour. Nothing was ever exactly true, it was more of a moving target. Then again, how would you know if it was truth or not? Have you been there?

Money problems are often cited as the number one cause of divorce in America, but it's impossible to calculate because they are part of a larger cause usually called 'irreconcilable differences', which basically means that couple couldn't get along. I wonder how much are the actual money problems and stresses surrounding it or the dishonesty that starts growing around it. It’s interesting that someone who wouldn’t outright lie about something that did or didn’t happen, will lie about how much they spent, how much they make or how much debt they really have.

As we begin leading our 9th Financial Peace Course, we are once again faced with the unnerving reality of how many couples walk separate paths financially within their relationship, and the subtle and not so subtle dishonesties that occur.

I had a friend who used to buy clothes, take them home and hide them in the closet. When she wore something new and her husband asked about it, she would sharply or laughingly say, no I’ve had this a long time…you’ve seen it before. Lie? Well it’s not the truth.

I know a man who continues to gamble…just a little, mostly on a credit card…but over time getting farther and farther behind. His wife doesn’t know.

A spouse who doesn’t know how much the other makes, is actually under the impression its much less.

And then there is lying for the “right” reasons. Not wanting to disappoint or let down your significant other. Accruing debt, spending too much, not being honest about where you stand, the state of finances or even job cutbacks or losses.

The truth is relative? No the truth is truth. The truth is vital to the health of a relationship. Truth is the lifeblood of a marriage….it encompasses respect, value, security, love and communication. If you can’t trust the little things (that a sprinkle is not a downpour, or visa versa) then you’ll never be able to trust or survive the big things. Truth builds the foundation and lies will undermine the foundation quicker than anything. I don’t think money problems are the cause of divorce. I think the dishonesty that can surround money problems are more the issue.

Its hard to come clean, but harder to maintain a lie knowing the ground beneath you is eroding. Just an observation.

What can I do today?

2011-07-07T15:08:00.000-07:00

This past week I have been talking to a friend about marriage. It has reminded me how important it is to keep your eye on the ball. Back in May, I realized spring was upon us and it was time to reestablish my garden. Last year, we ate out of the garden almost all summer – lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, corn, etc. etc. So I enthusiastically planted a few things to get started – some cucumbers, zucchini and peppers. We then took a 12-day vacation to Chicago. After coming home it took a few days to settle in and I then climbed the hill to check out the garden. I half-expected the new plants to be dead or at least slumped over and crying for water. But they weren’t! They were gone. No sign of them what-so-ever. Not sure if they were dragged under by a gopher or hauled off by a raccoon, but they were nowhere to be seen.

So I realize this is really a lame analogy but it’s where my mind is today. You can take a perfectly healthy marriage, plant it in a perfectly good environment, surround it with perfectly good friends but if you don’t watch it, tend to it, care for it – you may just wake up and it’s gone. Marriage is hard. If it is not now, it will be some day, at some point.

I recently heard a pastor speak at a wedding and I loved his explanation, he said that we are called to love our spouse in the same way God loves us. We can never earn it, we don’t deserve it but He loves us anyway with all our faults and as often as we disappoint Him. We let God down so often, over and over we stumble, but He is faithful, loves us and gives us so much grace. Can we do that for our spouse? Continue to support and to build them up when they stumble, fail and disappoint? Can they do the same for us?

Everyday I wake up and pray that God will use me and that today I can serve Him well. Everyday I also pray how can I best love my husband today? How can I let him know that he is my priority? How can I best serve him today? God first, Husband second…all else after that. If you have God in the proper place and perspective, and spouse I the proper place and perspective everything else falls in line.

The busyness of life and the stresses of work, school, parenting can take their toll on your marriage. You cannot take your eye off the ball, so here are a few things to think about:

1. Make your marriage your priority.

Wake up thinking about your marriage. Write it on your bathroom mirror, your screen saver or your cell phone. WHAT CAN I DO TODAY TO LOVE MY HUSBAND (or wife) BETTER?

2. Keep in touch.

Check in on each other during the day – even just a text to remind them that you are thinking about them. Partners connect and talk often. Don’t let all the conversation be about kids, work, bills, stresses…sometime it needs to just be an I Love You, I Miss you or I am thinking about you.

3. Do the unexpected.

Surprise your spouse! Planning something special is an excellent way to infuse romance into your relationship….dinner, movie, special tv night, an evening walk. Put the kids to bed early or let them stay over at a neighbors. Don’t tell your spouse – make it a surprise. Lame but even the smallest surprises can feel like the biggest.

4. Talk about your personal goals.

Sit down together and talk about what you want out of life, what you want to achieve as a couple and personally. Write these down. Review them and modify them every few months. This makes you aware of what your spouse wants and their goals. This is vital and should also include financial goals.

5. Do not criticize.

Do not put down or criticize your spouse in front of other people. Instead, decide that you will both commit to build up and support each other when talking to other people. We have all been around couples who continually criticize – it is just plain uncomfortable for everyone. If you want your spouse to be a better person, help them become one by building them up, supporting them and loving them. People grow from care, not from criticism. NEVER criticize them in public – whether family or friends – it is not the place. If you have something to say, say it later in private.

6. Never go to bed angry.

My mama always said, never go to bed angry. If you are hurt, disappointed or upset with something that happened, discuss it. Do not enter into an argument but talk openly about what it was that bothered you and why. If it is a sensitive subject or things tend to turn into an argument easily, go to a public place. Sitting in a restaurant talking can often keep things much calmer that it might at home. Women – make sure you allow plenty of silent space for him to express his views, his concerns or opinions. We as women, ALWAYS over talk our men and then complain they don’t share enough.

7. Be quick to forgive and quick to say sorry.

Can you truly say you are sorry? Can you apologize for a situation or circumstance? Take the blame, take the responsibility. Often we are so busy looking at our part of the hurt we don’t see their part, or the piece we played. Its 50/50 folks. Actually its 70/70 – we should always be willing to take more of the responsibility. If we both take 70% of the responsibility we can’t help but meet it the middle. Talk things through, but make sure you are both talking.

8. Compliment your spouse - OFTEN.

Take time to notice everyday things that your spouse does like taking out the trash, playing with the kids, picking up the dog poop, doing the shopping. This shows your spouse that you appreciate them and the things that they do and you do not take for granted the effort they put into it. If you compliment these actions they will be much more willing to do it next time. Compliment often…how they look, what they wear….watch for things. It makes them feel good and reminds you of the things you love about them. It’s a win/win.

9. Be There

I had a friend once whose husband was a Cop – he got off work at 2AM. She had to get up for work at 6AM. She would go to bed at 9PM, to get up at 2AM, then back to bed with him at 3-4AM, up at 6AM and off to work. I asked her once why and she said if she was not available at 2AM to talk, to welcome him home, to help him decompress after work, she was sure there would be a midnight waitress somewhere who would be willing. I’ve always remembered that. Sometimes all your spouse needs is someone to be there, not event o talk just to love and support. If they are having a difficult day, respect that and give them space if needed.

I guess my final thought is this….when I search on the internet on loving your spouse I get over and over what women want, what men need to do to please their wives, to keep her happy. OK wives – what are you doing? Do you wake up each day and say how can I best love him today. How can I empower him, build him and make him my priority? I have found the more I love, build and care for my husband the better and better he treats me. I am treated like a queen but a lot of it has to do with treating him as my daily priority.

Dancing with Jesus

2011-06-09T16:34:00.000-07:00

Today I went to the funeral of a two year old. I watched her father, a 24-year old Marine, talk about his daughter with such grace. I so love “my” military families and although it makes me sound old, I am so proud of them as I watch them journey through life. No parent should ever experience the loss of a child. It is not how it should be. We should come into this life, live 95.3 years and die quietly in our sleep. But that is not always how it goes. It is actually rarely how it goes. One day you are playing in the park with your child, or snuggling on the couch or watching a movie together and the next day, they are gone. I can’t imagine the hole left behind.

After my father’s death, my mom always said it is not something you ever get over, it is something you learn to live with. Those words have always stuck with me. After my mother’s death, they rang even truer. The pain of loss remains, the hole remains. We build lives around it, we go on, we thrive, we live, we have joy again … but the hole is there. The hole that only that person, that friend, that parent, that child can fill. Over time I think the hole fills with memories and stories making it less painful but none the less it is still a hole.

Today was one of those days that I feel so blessed to be part of North Coast Church. I stood and listened to our Pastor talk about the loss and gently move the family thru the service, thru the reception, thru the burial. His words were powerful. His message was of hope. He spoke about how temporary our life is here…how this is just a blip in eternity. In the bible Peter writes about living in the tent of this body. Our body is just a tent…temporary. Chris said how much stock do you put in a tent? Do you build a driveway to it, put patios around it, install a Jacuzzi…no it’s temporary. You never plan to stay in the tent, you always plan to move on to a “real” place to live…that’s eternity. Everything here is temporary…a blip.

I felt blessed today. I have attended funerals my whole life, a lot of them in fact. Standing out by the graveside, kind of watching from the side, I experienced one of those moments that will have lasting impact. Hard to put into words but something along the lines of out of all the deaths I’ve seen and all the funerals I’ve attended, today I felt such peace in knowing, truly knowing, that eternity is there for us. In a way I always think we are waiting for God, but God is also waiting for us, we just leave our tent behind and go. Something profound in that.
So today I grieve with this couple and I share in the joy that their little girl is with our God, dancing with Jesus.

Then the wheel fell off the wagon

2011-05-29T13:55:00.000-07:00

Sitting in a motel in Wells Nevada population 1500...not much to do but wonder. At the beginning of the trip I pondered how these towns sprouted up. The wheel fell off the wagon train, everyone looked around and said yeah this will do. So driving thru the desert last night the wheel fell off our wagon (actually the Mini threw a plug) - same result. We pushed the mini off the road into the loose sand, and sat. It got dark, very dark, desert dark. And cold, very cold, desert cold, snow cold. We called AAA (big shout out to AT&T for cell coverage. If there had been cell coverage 100 years ago would be have less towns as folks could have moved on to the next already established place?) Anyway I discovered that I have a high degree of anxiety sitting in a little cold box on the side of a dark road. Very appreciative that Mick was with me, however... I am generally very calm and logical during emergencies or unpredictable situations, but not so much here. The panic was rising, the windows fogged up so I couldn't see out, the little red hazard light loudly clicked on and off and the big rigs shook the little car as they sped by. And of course it was raining off and on. And no bathroom nearby. Even outside wasn't an option as it was 33 degrees.

We eventually got picked up and towed to Wells. The motel is pretty dingy, no or almost no hot water, no food places in site, but yeah for wi-fi. I can see a McDonalds near the highway and a gas station which I suppose has a convenience store. Of course being we are in Nevada, there is a small Casino up near the road. Hmmmmm...we don't have hot water, you can't rent a car or a uhaul for 200 miles but if you'd like to gamble, the Casino is waiting. The motel staff said we can call the Casino, they will send a van to pick us up and the only restaurant in town is in the Casino if we want something to eat.

So our little car sits alone on the street. There are two mechanics in town - one recommended, one not. They don't reopen until Tuesday and so far when mentioning the Mini Cooper we get the blank stare and the we don't see many of those in these parts answer. So we plan to tow home. Interestingly enough it is cheaper to rent from Vista and beg friends to come rescue us than to find a way to rent up here. Plus nearest rental is about 100 miles and the only option is an 18 foot uHaul with a tow dolly, which is bigger than what we originally took to Chicago!

So we sit and wait, it's raining outside with little bursts of snow. We walked the two miles to the mini cooper earlier today to rescue some snacks and work for Mick to do. Maybe if I'm really nice my sweetheart will take me out for a night on the town with a chilly walk to McDonalds or we will really live it up with a van ride to the Casino.

Can you actually hear your own heart break?

2011-05-25T18:44:00.000-07:00

Twenty-four hours ago I left my nephew Michael in his new apartment in Schaumburg Illinois. So can you actually hear your own heart break? Wow didn't think it would be so hard. Certainly with the abundance of technology and my whole family being such technological geeks...cell, text, email, Facebook, Skype...staying in touch is not an issue, but that said it was tough. Really tough. I recently blogged about not being a mother, and understanding that God had other plans for my maternal instincts such that they are, but it has also been very clear to me over the past year or so (or maybe 24 years) that I would be hard pressed to care about someone more than I do Mike. He is in a good place. Great new job, actually impressive new job. Beautiful apartment. A girl he loves, who loves him deeply (and is good for him.). I couldn't ask for more ... Other than still living 5 minutes from us so I could touch in, so he could drop by the office, so I grab him for an occasional dinner. Driving away I swear I heard my heart break and it still hurts.....guess that's why they have frequent flyer miles.

The past is present

2011-05-25T08:42:00.001-07:00

Never been a big one for emotions. But wow the last few days have been a whirlwind. Not exactly tornado whirlwind but whirlwind just the same. Sunday morning we got up early, early crawled back into our uHaul and went into Bucyrus Mo. When my granddad lived there it was home to 30 people. The Internet now claims some 500 but you sure can't tell. All looks the same except the little one room gas station, general store, post office is now abandoned. There is a new little brick post office proudly proclaiming Bucyrus Missouri. Along Route 17 was the driveway/turnoff to my granddads farm. It was cool that I remembered. We parked the truck and trailer on the street, set the emergency lights blinking and walked down the long dirt driveway. The trees reach out to each other and cover the way making it feel like we were truly walking back into times gone by. Since it was early morn and the folks now living there would still be sleeping, we stopped at the bottom if the driveway. The house was still there though now robin egg blue with new expansions and a double car garage. There was a new barn as well, but in the background stood the original red barn and old one bedroom green house. The rest looked the same, still 100 acres nestled in trees sitting in the Ozarks. This time I think it's true that it would be the last time I walked down the driveway. I did pick up a couple stones off the driveway to take with me. Then we headed to the truck before the folks woke up and spotted two Californians stealing rocks off their driveway in the early morning hours.

Heading to Chicago we wandered thru the Ozarks river ways...beautiful country. We stopped at Allie Spring where there is an old grain mill. The spring itself pours out 81 million of spring water a day!! Amazing. My grandma was born in Alley Springs so another cool thing to share with Mick. The rest of the day was spent driving to Chicago. Great talks along the way about love, marriage, families and histories. Still amazes me that I have things to learn about this husband of mine!

Although we spent almost all of Sunday in Missouri, we saw no tornados, no bad weather....just beautiful green countryside and the inside of a uHaul. Next Chicago...

2011-05-21T21:15:00.000-07:00

Day two...wow is it only day two. We have crossed five states and now sit in Houston Missouri...a hour and half east of Springfield along the Arkansas border give or take. My grandfather had a farm here and we came many a time to visit as a kid. When he passed 23 years ago, mom and I came back, cleaned out the farm and sold it. Driving away I remember talking about how there would never be a reason to return. So here I sit, in the Southern Inn motel...maybe even the same room I shared with my mom 23 years ago. Weird. We just ate at Sonic Burger. Now Mick and I live just two blocks from Sonic in Vista - we can see it from our porch and have never eaten there. But here in Missouri, we used to eat at this particular Sonic as a kid...of course it was the only fast food place in town. Now it shares that status with McDonalds - no surprise there. Houston also has the first Walmart I ever experienced back when Walmart was confined to Arkansas/Missouri. Driving in from California, we were amazed at this "superstore" with their low prices and great selection...this Sam Walton guy was on to something!

So I feel as if I have travelled back in time...my mom, my grampa...how'd I get here and why? Cool to share with Mick as these were people who left my life long before I met Mick. Tomorrow we'll see if we can find the farm - 100 acres along Route 17. No reason to find it other that curiosity....hopefully it's not a Lowes or Home Depot or car lot, but from the looks of the town not too much has changed.

We watched teens at Sonic in their shiney trucks with unmuffled mufflers hanging out on a Saturday night, cruising the main drag (actually there is only one drag. One way into town, one way out). While we ate we watched them circle 3-4 times finally converging in the parking lot of the Town and Country market to do donuts and tire burns in the parking lot, while a carload of girls watched on.

Maybe time only marches on in California...

Things to ponder while on the road...

2011-05-20T14:56:00.000-07:00

5:00 this morning we headed to Chicago. Mike, my oldest nephew is moving there for work, for life, for love. So Mick and I loaded a truck with his two trashbags of belongings, his girls household of furnishings and their collective 5 foot television, strapped the mini-Cooper to the back of the uHaul and off we go. It's amazing the things you both see and think when you have hours of driving across country. First, let's just get this out of the way, if you need to take a long trek to Chicago and really want to get there quick, quit caffeine for 5 years as I have done and then reinstate it just for one trip. Right now I could drive us to the moon, and maybe back again. It's sort of like taking noDoze in college, but now it's double packs of crystal light with added caffeine.

As you travel thru these little towns (we are currently about an hour east of Flagstaff on Route 40), many a town begs the question Why? I just assume it is where the wheel fell of the wagon so the train stopped and settled. There really is no other logical explanation. Daggett California...why? Needles for that matter, other than the ability to collect $5 for a gallon of gas...why? Needles has even been romanticized in both song and movie...maybe it's a different Needles.....gateway to California.

So we are seeing big expanse of nothingness and a bit of rain. Mike and Chelsea are on the "high road" currently passing thru Denver and it's snowing on them. Good luck California boy....get used to it, might want to change those flip-flops. My sister is traveling in Mikes car with friends also Somewhere on the "high road". It's like our own version of the Amazing Race - who will find Chicago first. More to come...

A Mother by any other name...

2011-05-08T21:29:00.000-07:00

Ah. Mothers Day…always an odd day. My brain goes back and forth all day….I’m not a mom, I don’t have a mom, I’m not a mom, I don’t have a mom…always a weird day. As a female everybody wishes you a Happy Mother’s Day, they don’t know it but I always feel awkward answering. I realized half way thru the day that I always just smile and say thank you…hmmm, I should be saying “you too”. So next person who said Happy Mother’s Day, I said “you, too!”…then realized she was about 15. Oh well…back to awkward.

Then of course you have the “Happy Mother’s Day, if you are a mother.” OK – that’s no better. Anyway always a weird day. Does remind me how much I miss my mom. She was a pretty cool mom, nothing “normal” about her – certainly not typical. But that is what I loved. If you quizzed my sister and I you would think we grew up with an entirely different mom, in an entirely different household – funny how our perspectives, impressions and memories can be so very different when we truly were in the same house with the same mom.

I remember my mom as bigger than life. Very intelligent, reserved, a voracious thirst for knowledge and eccentric as all get out. Highly creative, she loved Halloween and made amazing haunted houses, designed stage scenery when we were in dance and later went on to open a new age bookstore with all the strange and odd things that go with that. Most of all I remember her as my biggest fan. She had such an incredible impact on me clear into adulthood, but also was my greatest supporter as I traversed my twenties. When she died I remember thinking ‘who will be my support’? Who will be my fan? Of course I hadn’t met my husband Mick yet … so never knew there were two of them in this world that God would bless me with. Anyway…

The other special day this weekend was Military Spouse Day on Friday. It made me think of all my “wives” and what a heart I have for all of you. The road you travel, the strength you have, the men you support and of course the trouble you get into!! I so love being involved in your lives and having the opportunity to occasionally make a difference, to maybe lighten your load a bit. I just love the spirit and courage of “my wives.” Of course my mom was a military wife, married to a young marine at 18. She loved him and understood that she married the Corps, not just the man. She never lost that love and even 30 years after his death both cherished his memory and his Corps.

So on this Mothers Day, I thank God for the mother I had and to all my military wives out there, it’s a comfort to know a women like her, raised a women like me, so that whenever the opportunity presents I can mother you…even if just a little bit! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!

Coming To You from Under the Bus

2011-04-05T22:53:00.000-07:00

Around our office we use a phrase….being thrown under the bus. If we have all the right people in the right seats on the bus, every once in awhile someone comes along to throw you under the bus. Occasionally I think it would be fun to have a signature line that says “coming to you from under the bus”. One thing I do know, the view from under the bus can be quite cloudy. I don’t know about everyone else buy I seem to run in very clear cycles…all is going well, or everything’s derailing at once. Nothing big and dramatic just little things but the visual is when Forrest Gump starts to run for the first time and his leg braces split apart and fall off in slow motion. Get the picture? Are you with me?

One of my military wives described it as driving down the street and your hubcaps fall off one by one, then a mirror drops off, then a door, then….but you are still driving along hanging on to the wheel hoping it doesn’t come off in your hands. Ever feel that way?

There is a clear answer, don’t hang on to the wheel, hang on to God, let Him take the wheel. Then when a hubcap spins off and rolls into the gutter you can watch and say wow, must not need that, guess that hubcap wasn’t in God’s plan for me.

And I guess some times it is okay to hang out under the bus…its humbling, it’s a time for reflection, a time for self evaluation. But when all is said and done, you need to climb back on the bus and let God take you where He chooses. He always has a plan, and the ride is pretty exciting.

Listening While You Clean Grout...

2010-10-24T10:04:00.000-07:00

Are you listening? I remember when I first began my walk with the Lord. Although I had believed in God my entire life, I had always seen Him as more of a universal power. A giant energy source that could be “tapped into.” Sort of like a generator. When life wasn’t going well or needed to be recharged just tap in, hook-up, channel some of the power and there ya’ go. Then the power went out, the generator shut down and there I was sitting in the dark, on my own, trying to charge my own life. Through the dark God reached out, once again as He had so many times before, but this time I reached back and found a new life. When I first stepped into a real relationship with God, an intimate relationship, personal, one-on-one, I was amazed. Every time I came to church it was like He was speaking directly to me. Whatever the pastor said spoke volumes in my life, in to my heart. God was so LOUD. He was changing me moment by moment, day by day. It was exhilarating in so many ways. Seriously? This was the God that had always been there? Patiently waiting for, patiently pursuing me while I was messing around with this idea of a giant generator God. Duh.

So life continues to change, I continue to grow and change, but God is not so loud now. Or is He? Am I just not listening? Do I now have “most” my walk down so maybe I don’t listen as well? Or maybe the big things have changed and we are now down to the “little” things that maybe I don’t need as much of God’s help with. I can handle the little things, can’t I? Is God really asking that I turn everything over…even the little things? So now when He speaks, now when change is required…is it because it’s the little things that maybe it does not seem so loud? Abide in Him….Follow Him….Follow Him….Follow Him….in EVERYTHING. LISTEN. God is still very loud, every day in every thing…LOUD. He hasn’t stopped changing me, He hasn’t stopped moving my life…we are just down to the little things and I am not listening as intently as I did in the beginning. It’s sort of like the countertop is clean and we are now working on the grout. I hate cleaning the grout….

One Flaw in Women

2010-08-22T17:00:00.000-07:00

Women have strengths that amaze men.....
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in..

They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.

Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

A Challenge from Darkness

2010-05-29T22:40:00.000-07:00

In talking with a friend tonight, she mentioned that she sometimes feels she is filled with darkness. “Inside me, it’s all darkness. “ As I listened I wondered, in some fashion or other aren’t we all filled with darkness, at least until we are filled with light? We live in a fallen world, a world consumed with darkness, controlled by our sin nature…the not so good side of us. Most our lives, we spend cautiously avoiding the dark corners inside. We cover them up, hide them, pretend they are not there. At times they can consume us resulting in anger, depression, loneliness, addictive behaviors….the darkness alienates us and can become a cancer of the spirit. But we hide anyway.

So what changes the darkness to light? Truth. God. Light.

In the simplest terms, if I can face the blackness inside me and realize that I alone cannot change it, then I can begin the change. For most my life, I truly believed that I “walked in the light.” However in truth the darkness within me was at times all-consuming. It was not until I “walked with the Lord” that I truly allowed the light to fill me. It happened when I realized that I couldn’t remove the darkness, only God can. Then the darkness suddenly transforms into light! Part of the process is realizing that we do not have to be ashamed of the darkness; we all have it…all of us. If you think you don’t, take a flashlight and look in the corners. It’s there and God knows it. So how easy is that? He already knows, so let Him deal with it.

So here are a few more things I am working on with the women I meet with:

Challenge 1. Invest in friendships. Who are your friends and why? Are you truly invested? Do your friends challenge and sharpen you or are you playing it safe?

Challenge 2. Take 15 minutes a day to stop and take stock of the evidence of who you are (not what you do.) What evidence is there in the day that you are Godly, that you are kind, that you are the hands and feet of Jesus? The Core of Godliness is not merely doing what God wants, it is knowing God. In what way did you show that today?

Challenge 3. Stop before responding – do not respond in anger. Evaluate the response you are about to give and choose to……redirect, stop or continue. Be intentional in your words. Pray before you speak. Do your words glorify and represent God well?

Challenge 4. Reflect God’s love daily. Be willing to take the time, put forth the effort when God is choosing to use you. Have awareness to see opportunity and to respond to what God places in front of you.

Challenge 5. What am I putting first before my God? Be glad with what I have and let God be God.

Challenge 6. What attribute is God trying to show me of His character? He is so multi-faceted…..kind, loving, advocate, judge, father….be more appreciative of who our God is. What am I hiding (or think I am hiding) from God? What am I doing to love well and to offer hope?

If you intentionally focus on the six challenges above...it won't leave much room for the darkness.

Live Intentionally

2010-04-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

Every other week I meet with a group of women...our goal is to work on our walk.... to endeavor to become more Godly women. I thought this would be fun information to share with you. We focus on four areas:

1. Be aware of who we are becoming
2. Live intentionally daily
3. Do little things with great love
4. Remember the Awe of God.

Two things we are currently exploring:

First from a Spiritual Assessment by Fred Smith: Do I have a Quiet Center in my Life? Okay ladies – this is a BIG one!

Francois Fenelon, who walked with God three hundred years ago, said, “Peace is what God wants for you no matter what is happening.”

I press this point to myself because it is important in my life. Oswald Chambers says, “In our Lord’s life there was none of the press and rush of tremendous activity that we regard so highly, and the disciple is to be as his master.” There is an important difference between the fast track and the frantic track. It is not God’s will for me that I be frantic. When I was heading the operations of a manufacturing corporation we had an excitable manager who, whenever he got confused, called a supervisors’’ meeting to display it. After one of these fruitless meetings, I gave him my favorite little verse” “When in trouble, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.”

This harriedness is epidemic in our society. Unless we are running on empty, we don’t feel we are normal. The other day I heard a prominent minister say that this next week that he had a breakfast meeting every morning. I wanted to say to him, “This is not the way to live. This is not the way to have a family. This is not the way, to me, to be a man of God.”

The late Senate chaplain Dick Halverson was helpful to me by suggesting that Jesus didn’t have a day planner; he simply “went about doing good.” When he was on his way to raise a dead child, he stopped to help a woman with an issue of blood. He didn’t prioritize raising the dead over helping the sick. He simply went about doing the good that came his way.

Jesus had the quiet center. Do I have it too? Peace is the evidence of God.

And the second thing to ponder:

Attitude is everything. Yes, Everything. Choose your attitude
It is more vital than events. It's more important than what's happened. Because attitude determines whether we are happy or unhappy, fulfilled or empty, the positive perspective assures us that we can never fail. A hopeful attitude guarantees internal success. Attitude- the altitude adjuster determines whether we fly high or low, crash or soar, glide or slide.

Anybody can have a positive attitude when things are going well. What really matters is how you act when things are going badly that determines the strength of your character. An appropriate attitude means feeling hopeful in challenging times. Stop yourself. Count your blessings. Look for the good. Here are the magnificent 7 ways to improve your attitude, and therefore your God walk…i.e. being a Godly women.

1. Choose to be Enthusiastic
Corporate presidents voted it the most valuable personality trait. It's the biggest single factor in successful selling. Think enthusiastically. Talk enthusiastically. Become enthusiastic by acting enthusiastic. Your thoughts and actions establish your level of enthusiasm. I think you can also glean a lot of your enthusiasm by keeping your eyes on God and knowing He is active, very active, in your life.

2. Be Alive to Everything You Do
Walk fast. Put a bounce in your step. A good smile radiates enthusiasm. Put spirit into your speech by varying the tempo, raising and lowering the pitch, changing the tone and modulation. Force yourself to act with enthusiasm, and soon you will feel enthusiastic. As in fake it until you make it (one of my mother’s favorite sayings)

3. Broadcast Good News
No one ever made a friend or accomplished anything worthwhile by transmitting bad news. Good news, on the other hand, promotes good will and spreads enthusiasm. The message, "Hey! I've got good news" gets the attention of everyone. Take sunshine to school or work. Always aim to make the person you talk to feel better than they otherwise would. I like this thought…it eliminates gossip, griping and complaining – what would that do to your Godliness?

4. The Power of Visualization
Imagination powerfully influences successful outcomes. When imagination and willpower compete, the imagination always wins. Force of will never keeps you striving for success, but proper visualization will. All peak performers visualize success. Before you try to do anything, close your eyes and visualize yourself doing it well, ask for God’s help and guidance…when really struggling ask for His intervention. God can do it perfectly so let him work through you.

5. Positive Self-Talk
What did you say to yourself today? Did you moan and groan about everyone at school or work? Did you complain about your co-workers and boss to to your friends? What we think is 100% reflected in how we feel. If all we think about is negative thoughts, our actions will be negative. Remember "I'm a God’s child. He wants me Healthy! Wealthy! Happy! I do what I ought to do, when I ought to do it, whether I want to or not! No Debate! I do the good work. I saw this saying this week:

Look back and thank God.
Look forward and trust God.
Look around and serve God.
Look within and find God!

6. Love Others
How can we become more loving? By bringing encouragement, optimism, and hope to all that we meet. By helping others feel comfortable in our presence. By spreading joy and goodwill. By being concerned about the wishes and desires of others. By understanding, caring, accepting, and forgiving. By becoming more concerned about helping others achieve their individual desires, than our own.

7. Never Miss 1 to 6 Above

Great food for thought....more to come....

Start Fresh...

2010-02-08T20:12:00.001-08:00

As I turned 50 this past month I decided to make a big deal out of it. Everyone else does, over-the hill and all that stuff, so I thought okay lets go for it. Let everyone know, have a party, go away a few days and celebrate. I even thought what the heck share what I have learned about life and marriage at the Military Wives Breakfast. So I did it all and I passed the big 50 mark (I assume the celebrating doesn’t go all year!)

I’ve definitely had a lot on my mind the past 4-6 weeks...taking a bit of a life assessment. Where I am, who am I, how is my God walk and where do I need to adjust, fine-tune and/or full-on change. I’ve been thinking about not only where I am, but where I have been. As I thought back, I wondered whether I would want to re-live time that has passed. Would I want to rewind my life? What would it be like to change some of the past decisions I’ve made. How different would life now be if I had the chance to apply all that I know now to my life back then? Surely the course of my life would be dramatically altered.

Of course the more I thought about it, the more convinced I was that I wouldn’t change a thing. As I think about some of the decisions I’ve made, there are certainly things I wouldn’t want to share...things I am not proud of and prefer to keep imbedded deep inside (things from my pre-Jesus days, so to speak :-)) And as much as I might want to have a chance to right those wrongs, everything that has happened in my life brings me to the place where I am right now. Each step I took, each decision I made, each and every action are woven together to create the life I now know. While I may not be proud of each individual choice I've made or thing I’ve done, they're woven together into a tapestry that is my life. I heard the analogy once that every tapestry has a wrong and right side. The back is where all the knots and mixed up threads hide. When you turn it over, it can be amazing to see how all of those random pieces of thread work together to become something beautiful. That’d be my life now – beautiful.

So each night as we go to bed we get to rewind the clock, turn back out lives. Because as the dawn comes and we face a new day, we have the opportunity to do things right, to make good choices and make wise decisions. So today – start fresh, and do it right.

Jesus is Better than Santa

2009-12-08T22:45:00.000-08:00

Santa lives at the North Pole; JESUS is everywhere.

Santa rides in a sleigh; JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.

Santa comes but once a year; JESUS is an ever present help.

Santa fills your stockings with goodies; JESUS supplies all your needs.

Santa comes down your chimney uninvited; JESUS stands at your door and knocks.. and then enters your heart.

You have to stand in line to see Santa; JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.

Santa lets you sit on his lap; JESUS lets you rest in His arms.

Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, What's your name?"
JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.

Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly; JESUS has a heart full of love.

All Santa can offer is HO HO HO; JESUS offers health, help and hope.

Santa says "You better not cry"; JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you.

Santa's little helpers make toys; JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.

Santa may make you chuckle but JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.

While Santa puts gifts under your tree; JESUS became our gift and died on the tree.

It's obvious there is really no comparison.
We need to remember WHO Christmas is all about.
We need to put Christ back in Christmas.
Jesus is still the reason for the season.

May the Lord Bless and Watch over you and your loved ones this Christmas 2009
And may He prosper and bless the work of your hands in the New Year.

A Ball by any other name...

2009-11-16T19:33:00.000-08:00

We recently had the honor of attending the Marine Corps Officers Ball on November 10th (the Marine Corps 234th Birthday). As civilians, we gathered our finery … me in a new dress (with my newly improved and reformatted body) and Mick in a Tux. I’d never seen Mick in a tux…yep he looked pretty darn good. We went to the tux shop and he was at home. Only time I’ve seen him more excited is in a candy shop! I think he’d dress that way every day given the opportunity and purpose. For me, I wandered thru many, many stores….so what’s that about – there are no formal dresses out there. It’s the holidays! Where are the formals? Luckily Macy’s came thru and I tested out my new body in a new "small" dress…..that was pretty cool.

Going to the Ball is hard to explain. First, it is definitely more of a ceremonial event than a ball. You sort of picture a formal ball, like you see in the movies (An American President, and all that)…everyone dancing the Waltz. Once past that, it really was an inspiring event. First, I love men in uniform (a Tux works too!) It was impossible to be at the Ball and not envision my mom and dad there years ago. I guess as a little girl I always heard about the Ball and equated it to sparkling chandeliers, orchestral music, Prince Charming (in uniform) and a bit of Cinderella. As the Major General gave his speech and walked thru the history of the Corps, the wars fought and the men and women lost, you truly felt you were sitting in part of history. There was a power, a history, a feeling of legacy about the night that is hard to put into words. It was an honor to be among the men and women in the room. It is an honor to be the daughter of one of those men lost in battle.

Meeting Matilda...it's Halloween.

2009-10-31T20:24:00.000-07:00

One of my fondest memories as a kid was Halloween. My mother loved Halloween. For whatever reason it was right up her alley. When I was in 2nd or 3rd grade she volunteered for the first time to put on the haunted house for the school Halloween carnival. It was on the stage in the cafeteria. She hung huge sheets of black plastic creating a maze winding through the stage. The hardwood floors created the necessary creaks along the way and we were set for scare. She would create scenes along the way that would scare, creep and make you jump. No blood and guts, nothing gooey or gross – just creepy and scary.

Early on she created Matilda. I do believe I still have parts of Matilda in a storage box somewhere in the attic. Matilda was a skeleton sculpted from paper mache and baked in the oven. The mache would peel and you’d have the illusion of peeling skin – very lifelike. She had a skeleton face, long white hair, boney fingers and sat in a white wedding dress, yes splattered with red paint. Matilda would simply sit in a rocking chair, slowly rocking back and forth. In her lap was a skeleton baby that would occasionally light up. View that as you shuffle along a cold, creaking, dark hallway and when the baby lit up – you’d jump a foot or two – if not the dark cloaked figure in the corner reaching out and slightly touching you would certainly give you a scream and a scare. Mom loved Halloween and she was good at it!

The haunted houses got more creative and more interesting during my elementary school years. I always think of my mom as very creative, very artsy, incredibly bright and enthusiastically eccentric. After quite a few years of haunted houses, I moved on the Jr. High and she lost her venue for her Halloween antics. So they moved to our house. We lived on Indian Rock Road in Vista and every Halloween, all the scare would come out of the garage and take form in our yard, cast along the cactus garden, peeking from the bushes and hanging from the trees. The soundtrack from the haunted house would blast out the front bedroom window so that anyone in the neighborhood knew without a doubt, we had candy if you could handle a little scare.

Years later, after my mother had passed away and I was running her bookstore, I would take a couple rooms of the store and turn them into a mini haunted house each October. It made me think of mom, was wildly creative and even gave Matilda a chance to come out of the attic for a yearly visit. Even today, Halloween will always remind me of mom, bring a smile to my face and cause me to peek out the window to see if there is a full moon or any black cats wandering across the driveway.

Back in the saddle...

2009-10-31T11:54:00.000-07:00

Hey Ladies

How ya’ been. So rumor has (well maybe not a rumor as I have only heard it from one of you), never-the-less rumor has it, a few of you a wondering where I’ve been. See, I always said if I stopped “spamming’ you, you’d miss me. So here ya’ go.

1. UPDATE ON ME: Long story short – I had surgery October 6th for skin removal and reconstruction as a result of my weight loss (I’ve lost 150lbs over the last 3 years). Surgery went well however there were some complications and blood loss landing me in the hospital for a few days. I’ve now been home for 3 weeks and have basically slept thru the month of October! I am doing well but pretty surprised how long recovery is taking. I guess the problems I had in the hospital and the amount of blood loss really set me back. They are saying the blood loss recovery (returning to full energy) could take a few months as it takes a while for the red blood cells to stock back up. I spent 17 days without a shower. Once the neighbors started to complain, the doctor relented and let me shower – a very good thing! So I technically start back to work Monday (at least part days). Right now I am still waiting for the final drainage tube to be removed and just working towards getting full energy back. All else is good. Oh – and I might just look fabulous. A bit hard to get perspective at the moment but the glimpses are pretty amazing for someone who has been overweight her entire life.

2. THANKSGIVING: Exciting things happening here. We are busy planning our big Thanksgiving Feast. If you haven’t attended, it is way fun and yummy! Last year we served about 250 folks. We have a full turkey and ham feast with all the sides, desserts and left-overs. Crafts, bounce house, movies and activities for the kids. Football games on the big screens for you holiday football fans. Basically everything is there and it is a big party. Lots of fun. Bring yourself, your family, your friends, your neighbors.

3. CHRISTMAS HELP: Christmas is coming. This will be our third year launching our own version of Operation Christmas. Simply if you need help this Christmas with food/presents - shoot me a note. We have folks stepping up to support you. There are a couple different ways, we support you.

· Presents for the kids (about 3 each) will be included on our community outreach tree. When they come in we will sort them get them to you; and/or
· We will have lots food, diapers, supplies, small stocking stuffer gifts coming in; and/or
· For big needs, we have both families and growth groups who will adopt a family. They generally provide gifts, food baskets, gift cards, sometimes a tree or dinner. You can either meet the group and work directly with them or if you prefer not being contacted directly, they can work thru me. I want this easy and comfortable for you. We're here to take off the stress….not add more!!

We are here to make the holidays easier for you. We know there are needs out there and we very much want to come along side you and make the holidays special. This is not meant to help you by the Wii or digital camera for your kids, but to help you have a magical, wonderful Christmas season with as little financial stress as possible. So if you need help or would like a little extra, or know of a family that needs help – don’t be shy…shoot me an email – get on my list. If you have been around the last couple of years, we generally have plenty to go around and I already have families/growth groups waiting to adopt a family for the holidays.

Also mark your calendars – our Christmas Breakfast for military families (men/women/kids) is December 5th – Santa will be in the building, we’ll have a great breakfast, entertainment, door prizes, activities for the kids family photos, etc.

So Talk to me! What’s up? What are your needs? Don’t forget to spread the word about Thanksgiving. Hey I've missed you ladies!

Fitting in...

2009-10-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

Wow..what a couple weeks! I went into surgery October 6th. All went well with the surgery until time to go home when I had a little problem staying conscious anytime I was vertical. In the end we had Mick and myself, my surgeon, the surgical nurse, the office nurse and some other random office people all in the parking garage trying to keep me conscious long enough to get me back inside the building.

Passing out is weird...I just felt like I wanted to sleep. I’d close by eyes and feel like I’d doze off then everyone would yell and put smelling salts under my nose and 3-4 minutes later I’d wake up. Then move and we’d start all over again. In the end I ended up in the hospital for a couple days while they figured out where I was losing blood. Two days later I had a second surgery to sort of vacuum me out remove pooling blood and fixing any leaks. So I came home after that and all’s been pretty good. I am really surprised how little pain I’ve actually had. Of course, these amazing little white pills they gave me seem to help a whole lot with any pain issues.

So I’m now confined (sort of) to the couch. It’s been fun though...friends have been bringing meals and it’s like a taste test every night. Mick is in heaven! So cool to have a hot meal for him every night and I don’t have to do a thing. I could get used to this. Of course sitting on the couch has given me lots and lots of time to think. Well actually I am in a four hour cycle. Take a pill – sleep for 3 hours – wake for one...take a pill sleep for three, wake for one etc. Anyway, so during the one hour waking time, I’ve been thinking...

My surgery was elective. I have the advantage of “needing it” due to weight loss. But it did make me think a lot about the choices we make to fit in, to feel better about ourselves, to change into someone or something we think we are not. I saw these beautiful girls in the surgeons office and couldn’t help but wonder what were they having done, fixed, nipped or tucked. Did they really need it? They looked modelish, yet they were in being "fixed".

We spend so much time trying to be other than we are. As I am approaching the great age of 50, I am acutely aware that I don’t seek the same public approval as I did when I was younger. I now get my “approval” some from my husband and most from my relationship with God. Of course some is just age and I got tired of asking for some illusive approval that never really came. But boy do I remember being in my teens, 20’s and even 30’s and constantly seeking to fit in to get approval from who...the cool people? The in-crowd? The next door neighbors? and so on. I remember once going to pick up my nephews from a swim lesson. I arrived early so went over and sat by a couple of my sisters neighbors, whom I had met a few times. They got up and moved! Yikes. Guess I didn’t fit into that neighborhood.

Anyway, I have a friend in their 20’s struggling with the need to fit in. They morph and change to fit whatever crowd they are trying to fit into, so much so that they no longer have a grasp on who they are. Have you been there? I lived there for a lot of years. If we could just see ourselves as God sees us. When a mother sees her child, she knows this child is the most beautiful thing she could ever see. He/she is perfect... every grin, every action, every moment – they are beautiful, they are perfect, they are amazing. That is how God sees us – we are His daughter, we are his Son and we are perfect his His eyes. It is only in our own eyes that we have to measure up to someone else.

So time for another pill and I’ll catch you all in 3 hours...

In the Meantime...

2009-10-03T21:39:00.000-07:00

How can time fly by so fast? My gosh, it’s insane. I keep thinking I need to catch up on blogging, but time goes, goes, goes. Not really sure how folks do daily blogs…either they have much more time than me, or way more disciplines. Hmmmm….probably both. Today was the military breakfast, so cool – lots of new faces. So I miss all of families who are now on the east coast (and truly east in Okinawa), but am also happy to see the new folks migrating our way.

So our next BIG event is Thanksgiving Day Dinner. It is just the greatest day – Mick and my favorite day by far. Two years ago, on a whim, we decided to cook Thanksgiving dinner at North Coast for whomever might show up….150 showed up! Last year we had 250. Can’t wait for this year. So ya’ know…

Bring the family or just yourself..... we will provide Turkey with all the fixins', Pumpkin Pie and Football on the BIG SCREEN....and Activities plus a Jumphouse for the kids. It will all be there. The last two years we had an amazing time - this year we expect it to be even better! Thursday, November 26, 1:00 PM, North Coast Church - Video Café.

So in the meantime…..between now and Thanksgiving, I’ve got some personal plans that will put me out of commission for a few weeks. Tuesday morning (Oct 6th) I am having plastic surgery for skin removal and reconstruction as a result of my weight loss. The surgery will include stomach, butt and chest (also known as boobs). It will be in La Jolla and is expected to take 4-5 hours….yikes. I will be off work 3-4 weeks for recovery…another yikes. They plan to remove 12-15lbs of skin…double yikes and yuck. Biggest risk is bleeding and I have a history of pulmonary embolism (blood clots to the lungs) – so that’s a worry.

So the whole idea is a bit surreal. Just the idea that someone is going to cut you and reshape you. So odd. Plus I’ve never really been cut on. Although I had gastric bypass – it was laparoscopic. So real surgery is pretty scary. Prayers are welcomed!

Love Doing Life with you!

2009-08-01T22:58:00.000-07:00

Today was the military wives potluck getting ready for, and recipes for, our upcoming cookbook. And, it was the 3 year anniversary of the North Coast military ministry. Amazing 3 years! Mick and I have been so incredibly blessed by this ministry. Three years ago, it was a thought, maybe a calling. I felt the push to start a military wives ministry. When I think back now, I’m not sure what it was…an impulse….a calling….God’s directive? When I first brought it up, I was told no, not now – we don’t need another ministry for women. But I kept feeling the tug. The push. So I went back….and we launched a ministry.

In last weekend’s sermon, Pastor Chris reminded us how we are called to service. In John 21, Jesus asked Peter “do you love me.” Two additional times Peter is asked the same question. The message is clear “if you love me, do what I ask.” Pretty simple stuff actually.

I find the longer I am in this ministry, the more it becomes about my love for Jesus. It becomes about my passion for Jesus. When I forget that and become passionate about the ministry, it still runs well, but doesn’t have quite the sparkle…the daily surprise. When I keep my eyes on Jesus and remember my heart for Him, then I am amazed daily by the blessings this ministry brings to my life. And the ways God allows us to bless others.

As Jesus confronts Peter the second time “do you love me?”, he goes on to say feed my lambs, tend my flock, feed my sheep. God puts us in position where we can be used to serve Him and care for His children. So as I look at the ministry we have today, I am in awe how God has worked this ministry and blessed me through it. I love doing life with you guys! Can’t wait to see where we go from here…

The New Me?

2009-07-14T22:17:00.000-07:00

I've been pondering changes that happen in our lives. I here it from all of you and I've experienced in my own life. I think about the transformations I have gone thru…..four careers, two marriages, multiple homes, multiple pets…and that’s not including emotional, spiritual and physical changes. Sometimes we strive for change, actually chase it down. Sometimes change comes unexpectedly. I have never feared change. I have always loved it, actually thrived on it. When I see change coming I find it exhilarating. Anyone who knows me knows that three years ago (next week July 18th) I began a journey to lose weight, get healthy and extend my life. I lost over 150lbs, have gained back about 20 and every day remains a huge challenge to maintain my weight and embrace a new lifestyle. Some days are good, some days bad - evil food calls my name…very loudly. But it has been an incredible challenge and incredible change.

Last year I walked half a dozen 5K/10K’s…..and in November walked the 60-mile 3-day Breast Cancer Walk. I guess the 3-day was sort of the culmination for the journey I had been on. It was something I never could have done any other time in my life because of weight – it was a huge personal challenge. So why am I babbling on?

I've been building/planting a cactus garden on the hill behind my house…big hill, pretty big garden. Somehow I tweaked my knee…which after a few weeks sent me to the Orthopedic. We of course have one practically on call with Mick’s on-again off-again back issues. Anyway after an MRI, he says I have severe arthritis in my knee and basically no cartilage left…so get used to the pain. Hmmmm, doesn't sound like me. Then I have this hip that since the walk has had on and off pain…diagnosis – arthritis. And, my lower leg from knee to toes now has constant, do you call it chronic, pain – always present varying levels of pain. Cause? Most likely arthritis in my low back.

So how do you go from walking 60-miles and building a cactus garden in a body that is 150lbs lighter to living in constant pain and popping Tylenol in the course of a few weeks? What’s that all about? Not a change I’m liking. My doctor keeps reminding me that I will be 50 in just over 6 months. Fifty – are you kidding me? Okay first of all, can I really be turning 50 – what happened to the last 30 years. Guess they were there, full of lots of change. Second, HELLO fifty is not old…so I don’t plan to be hobbling around for the next 30 years. Guess the next change is a different doctor. I’ll keep you posted.

Random Updates

2009-06-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

Summer Small Group - we will be launching a summer small group for Military Wives the week of July 6th. Interested? It will be for prayer, support, digging deeper into the weekend sermons and fellowship. So two questions for you. One: Are you interested in joining? Two: When should we have it? During the weekday? Thursday evenings? Or Saturday before Frontline? If you are interested, send me your thoughts, so we can get this organized.

Summer Picnic - Our annual picnic is quickly approaching. I can't tell you how cool it is going to be…okay I'll try! It is going to be really cool! At Green Oak Ranch in Vista (off Sycamore). The food will be plentiful and beyond amazing. We have tons of activities for kids and adults, or you can just hang out in the beautiful park-like setting. Bring your beach chairs, blankets etc. And by the way - if you are attending any military function between now and July 11th where you could hand out flyers, let me know and I'll get some to you or I can send it by email. This is a great event to invite friends, neighbors, etc. It is for all military and their families - married or single, old or young, enthusiastic or boring - we'll be ready for you!

Breakfasts - There is no breakfast in July due to the picnic, and we were thinking no breakfast in August. But WAIT...skipping two months!! NO! So on August 1st, we'll be having a..........lunch! A Potluck - you are cooking for me :-) We'll have prizes for best dish, most patriotic and whatever else I can think of. So I'll be getting more detail to you, but this will be eating, socializing and getting to know one another. A day of fun and food - what could be better? Mark you calendars.

Women - I am getting more and more women asking about the ministry who are girlfriends, or women who are active duty. When we started the ministry, we called it Military Wives, but it is open to all women. I just can't figure out how to rename it. If I say Military Women, then it sounds like only women serving. So the name remains the same, but do know we have active duty women, single women and girlfriends - if you are female and connected to the military - it is for you.

Up Close and Personal

2009-05-24T22:56:00.000-07:00

So at dinner tonight with friends, we started talking about high school reunions and friends from our past etc. I’ve had a few reunions thus far (yep, last summer was my 30 year....no I didn't attend.) Thirty! Geez…doesn’t seem possible. Anyway, the question came up as to who we have kept in touch with or would want to see again. For me, I guess it is pretty simple…no one…which may explain why I haven’t attended any of my reunions. I think when I was younger I held closer to friendships. I had a few close friends in my twenties, very close friends. As I hit my thirties, I moved to a wide range of associations. No close friends, just lots of people I knew relatively well. It has been a comfortable way to be. You don’t have to be transparent with anyone. Folks see whatever you allow them to see. But does this work? Is it how we are supposed to be?

Can you name three people (who are not related to you) that you would trust with your deepest, most intimate thoughts? I’d guess half of you reading this can name three very quickly, no problem. But the other half (like me) have to think about it. Then on thinking about, you get a bit anxious…because I must know three…or two....even one. Geez…I don’t know….does it have to be my deepest thoughts and feelings?

I’ve learned a few things (well hopefully more than a few) over the last couple of years. According to the corporate world out there, we all need deeper, more trusting relationships if we are going to be successful in career and in life. And then we also know that God did not make us to do life alone. We are meant to do life together. We are meant to share our hopes and fears, failures and goals, dreams and disappointments. We also need people we can ask for help when needed. People who can encourage us, hold us accountable and give us a strong push when it applies. We all need friends we are safe with. You don’t have to do life alone, you are not meant to.

You just have to be willing to reach out, or to accept the hand that reaches to you. Once there, you have to be real, be transparent, be honest with the person(s) you are talking with, as well as honest to yourself. To develop close relationships there must be frequent serious communication, a balance of relationship (how does each person contribute to the relationship) and trust that has been built through helping each other.

I don’t by any means have this down. I still find it easier to function as a bit of a loner, but I keep working on it. My church small groups helps, as it forces me into relationship. And of course my husband helps, since he has never met a person that wasn’t a friend. So I’ll keep plugging along and as I teeter on the brink of turning fifty, maybe I’ll have less broad associations and more deep friendships, as I believe God intended.

I just have to share...

2009-05-17T16:58:00.000-07:00

This is one of the funniest things I think I have ever read....

QUESTIONS TO A DOCTOR:

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wineand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION.... eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

AND REMEMBER: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – microbrew in one hand, chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride!!!'

God-time

2009-05-11T23:28:00.000-07:00

So, when it comes to God, can you spend too much time with Him. Too much time seeking Him? I work at North Coast Church. Three to four times a year, the leadership team plans a staff day…sometimes it is as simple as lunch, others a training of some sort. Once bowling. And, we spent one day at Green Oak Ranch playing games, building cardboard forts that impersonated vehicles and throwing, as well as dodging, water balloons.

So a week ago we were all called together to give us direction for our next all staff time. As we sat together waiting for what adventure we would be sent on, we were told to take a Sabbath. The following Wednesday the church would be closed and we were to spend our time in a day of rest and renewal. A day to seek God, a day to just listen. Listen? You mean it not about me talking?

I had planned on spending the time alone (with God) but then thought I’d just let God lead me. I ended up beginning my day with my sister. At times, she is one of my more challenging relationships so I felt lead to begin time with her. I have a friend who is Jewish – he once told me before the day of Atonement (Yom Kippur), you have to get right with man before you can get right with God. I think about that a lot. When I seek God, when I ask God for blessings…I stop to think am I right with my world, right with people in my life. Anyway, I met my sister at the Prince of Peace Abby in Oceanside. We first attended their mass (with the monks). Very cool. Beautiful, beautiful Abby atop a hill over the airport and then the monks…. I find monks so intriguing – so Godly. And they sing, as monks often do! After mass we went their one mile station of the cross prayer walk, stopping at each station reading the corresponding scriptures and discussing them on the way to the next station. My sister’s biblical knowledge is amazing. She has always been so much smarter than me. Sailing thru college, while I crawled on my hands and knees. Anyway, I would love to have her knowledge of the bible. I have good people knowledge, she has great book knowledge. So I am rambling. We spent three hours at the Abby, and then separated for the remainder of the day.

We then separated and I went to Torrey Pines, hiked the trails. Nothing real significant but spent time on the trails, listening to worship music and just being in “awe” of all that God has created. Spent a lot of time just listening, just sitting and some time reading Louis Giglio’s The Air I Breathe..subtitle Worship as a Way of Life. How we worship, what we worship and why. And how God both wants and designed us to worship Him. A day spent seeking God, something I need to do and will try to do more often.

So my recommendation for you, find time…an hour here, two hours there…set it aside to just be…just be with God…sit in His presence. No expectations, just let God lead you.

How does this happen?

2009-04-24T23:01:00.000-07:00

I started this blog with thoughts about marriage, actually with thoughts about taking the easy way out…well not me, but others. Today I received a call about a young marine who needed some quick help. His wife picked up and left, leaving behind their 3 month old and 2 year old. She took the bank account, but left the babies. Took the car and car seats, left the babies. No diapers wipes or formula. How does this happen? How does life get so overwhelming, so intolerable that you pick and go, leaving behind your children? I know nothing about the marriage, the husband, the life….but logic would tell you if the husband was the problem you wouldn’t leave your babies with him.

This is third time I’ve seen this in the past year or so. For most women, it’s the one bond they'd never break, so what does it take for a young mom to walk out on her family? In some cases, the mom is acting on a belief that it is genuinely better for the child. Maybe they think that the children will be better off with the dad….financially better, familiar environment, etc. Hmmm, maybe. Maybe, they think leaving the babies with the dad is genuinely leaving them in good hands or better hands. Could it be through depression over life that they no longer see themselves as fit to care for their children? Because their self-esteem is so low they talk themselves out of motherhood? So off they go leaving the babies with dad. Or, as in one of the cases I ran across, the grass appears greener away from the family and there is a new guy that looks like an answer to all of life’s problems.

So they go. They may even think it is a temporary measure. That eventually they’ll have the money and somewhere suitable to live, and then they will come for their kids. Of course they usually end up in court fighting for custody. In the end, the children have to choose and they choose to stay with their father because he is who they know.

I have never heard of a mom who walked away who felt that it was the right thing to do. No one can describe the misery of being a mother who is apart from their children. So I guess this is just another plea…go for help, cry out, see a counselor, talk to a friend, a pastor, a mentor…but cry out. Fight for your family, for your marriage, for your life. Giving up, taking the easy way out, going for the greener grass, quick escapes ….are never the answer in any areas of life but especially not with our marriage or our children. And, continually seek God.

Marriage Questions - Part I

2009-04-13T12:40:00.000-07:00

At the risk of turning into Dear Abby, last weekend we had our monthly military wives breakfast. We offered a panel of women who have solid marriages to answer questions that you have...everything was covered from parenting, finances and communication to sex, no sex, infidelity and pornography. I thought it might be helpful to post some of the questions...some of the brief answers and if you have any of your own comments/answers, feel free to post a comment; it would be great to hear from you. We can classify this as Part I, as I have a lot of cards with questions on them. The answers are coming from a number of women whom I respect and trust their judgment, who are solid Christians and work on their marriages daily!

What are tips you can offer to keep the spark in your marriage? If you have kid’s promise to give yourself a date night where you do not talk about your kids! If you do not have kids, you have a bit more freedom so try something new together. Play basketball, do ceramics, pottery, exercise together….something! Either way, schedule your date night ahead of time so things do not get in the way. Above all….laugh!! If childcare is an issue – trade with a neighbor...watch their kids for their date night – they watch your kids for your night.

How do you deal with a husband that doesn’t want to talk about issues and then gets mad when you talk to your friends about it? Choose one friend that you want to be transparent with and tell you husband that you confide in her about everything or whatever the two of you agree upon. Remember this friend needs to be Christ-like and someone your husband respects. I have one friend I tell everything to but I also know that it does not go anywhere. Is your husband mad because he is finding out from another source? If so, you did not choose the right friend to confide in.

When you notice your husband changing or you yourself are changing, how do you adjust to the change even if you don’t like who they are becoming? Focus on who God has created them t be. There is a certain part of their/our DNA that does not change if we are followers of Christ. Focus on that and grow with him. If it is us changing….if we are looking to the Lord for how we should be changing we are good to go. If we are changing into someone he does not want us to be, and we all know when we are, nothing good will come of it. We will always change but by focusing on those things we appreciate in each other, who God has made us, and keep the open communication….we’re good.

What do you do to facilitate growth in your mate (spiritual and otherwise)? Be the light. Be the one that he can go to for encouragement. Men need to know that their wife respects and values them! Focus on the growth he has made and the areas he thrives in. Try not to compare and wish he was in a different position or was someone else. Understand what it means to be a man, husband and father. I have to remind myself that it is his job to be the provider and take care of us and with that comes a whole different ball game of obstacles and challenges. My husband acts differently than I and often his actions are motivated by those roles.

When you know your husband is going to make a mistake in his choices – wrong friendships or work choices – how do you approach him without telling him what to do? Ah this is a hard one. Make sure your approach is biblical and make sure you do not approach him as a mother. Come by his side and share feelings of concern. If you question his choices you are questioning him. Men do not like to feel like they are being questioned. Use “I” language. “I feel _______ is a bad influence on our marriage because….” Once you express your feelings, if he still chooses the “mistake” then it is his call – let him make the mistake – we are not their mothers. Of course if you are proven right – NEVER, NEVER say I told you so. Now would be the time to be encouraging and compassionate that it didn’t work out for him.

What is the correct action for husbands and porn? To the point…always bringing in the biblical principles that apply. Also, realize that PLENTY of men struggle with this. Again, use “I” language and let him know how it makes you feel as his wife and woman of Christ. If you can get him to agree, you can block these things as well whether it is the internet or if he is buying pay per view. It is great for men to be in a growth group or men’s group so they have accountability and be with other men struggling (and overcoming) with the same issues.

How do you get your husband to take on the role of “head of the household?” My husband is a believer, but is hesitant to take up the spiritual leadership of the family. Make sure your definition for “head of the household” aligns with God definition. I believe we as a society often add in our own definitions. I do the bills in my house along with many other things that wives often consider being the husband’s responsibility. We motivate each other to continue our spiritual growth. Know your husband’s strengths and weakness’ and try not have expectations for your husband that align with those weakness’. Build upon his strengths. You both bring a ton to the plate. Complement each other. I view “head of the household” is the one that has the final say. I express my feelings with respect and I expect him to consider them but I am okay with his decision.

How do you get over infidelity in a marriage? Prayer!! Figure out why it happened. Really why it happened!! It takes one person to do the act but it takes two people to get the marriage to that point. At the point of infidelity, both people need to dig in deep and learn about themselves and really find out what went wrong. There’s usually a lack of love and respect on both ends. It does not excuse the act at all but I do believe more marriages can survive the awful situation if they stop pointing fingers, get into counseling and looked at the speck in their own eye. And Prayer!!!

What’s a good way of getting a point across without it becoming an argument? Safety days! Safety days is a way to communicate. One person is the “speaker” the other is the “container”. The container is not allowed to comment on what the speaker says. You have to use “I” language expressing feelings. The conversation ends and you connect again the next day, but the roles reverse. This gives you time to listen to what is said, process it and not act on emotion. Best of all, you learn to listen which is one of the most difficult tasks!

My husband snores so we don’t really sleep together (not much sex). I think it is hurting him more than me, what or how should I handle this or do about it to keep our sex life alive? There are things he can check into w/his doctor to help his snoring but as a women…we have to realize that they require sex. That is how they are build. Give in. They feel loved, appreciated and wanted. Obviously, if there are underlying issues this response changes. But I would not stop having sex just because he snores. Heck hopefully you are not sleeping when you are having sex!!

I’ve noticed that my husband’s food intake affects his snoring. The more he eats/drinks at night – the spicier or heavier food the more he snores. Nose strips work pretty well. It also helps if I take an Advil or Tylenol pm...knocks me out and I can usually sleep thru it – not always, but usually. At least start each night in bed together.

I come from a previous marriage that had cheating throughout, without knowing it happened until the end of the marriage. My husband also comes from a past marriage with cheating, done by both of them. I am scared this will happen to us. It’s always in the back of my mind. How can I get these thoughts out of my mind and trust he won’t do it to me? It seems there is a trust issue already that may need some resolving since you have FEAR of him cheating. For me, I vowed to my myself and to God that I'd hang in there and do whatever it took to make my marriage work. Low and behold, my husband was unfaithful and God granted me the strength and courage to make it through the rebuilding process (yes, it was still very painful, but I tried to remember that God was in control)!! Through time, therapy, prayer and trust in God, our relationship was restored. All that said, make a vow to your marriage when tough times come along, including unfaithfulness, that you will do all you can (with God's help) to restore it. Trust in God, pray for your husband to have a pure heart, give your fear to God and get wise counsel!

The Voices sound like Jelly Beans

2009-04-08T23:10:00.000-07:00

So I have been pondering food lately…okay not really pondering maybe obsessing, certainly eating! To start with you probably need to know my history. I was ten when I first started to gain weight. My mom was overweight (yes you could and should say obese, but this is my mom, so be nice.) I actually have a weird recollection of recognizing that she was overweight and wanting to be like her. I have the same weird recollection about wearing glasses. My mom and sister both wore glasses and I didn’t. I’d sit and squint, until I think I squished my eyes into near-sightedness. Maybe I would have gotten there anyway but hours of squinting probably didn’t help. Anyway, the fat didn’t affect my eyes…so I’ll go back to talking about weight. By my teens I was definitely overweight which continued into my twenties. Then the dieting – up, down, up, down, up, down. I should have just done push ups (up down up down up down) and it might have been more effective. I don’t even remember all the random diets.

Twice I’ve lost a substantial amount of weight, once on a liquid fast….hmmmm…now that I think about it, I think both times were on a liquid fast. Lost 100 lbs or so…then happily or unhappily ate my way back to the beginning. If you read diet or self-help books, you learn that food addiction is about control…or lack of control…or self-image…or lack of self-image….or rebellion….or deprivation. Dr, Phil says it is all about internal dialog telling yourself that you are not a good person. I think Dr. Phil might be tuned to the wrong channel. My dialogue goes nothing like that. I’ve read all the diet/self help books and I’ve never had that AH HA, the part that explains what goes on in my head. I think there is a definite battle that goes on between the ears. One little voice says "I will not eat that cookie," then the other voice answers, "Oh, but it will be so good and you deserve it.” Back and forth and back and forth….

So in 2006, as I crested 300 pounds, I took a giant leap and had gastric bypass…to be exact a Roux-en-Y where the stomach is separated and a small pouch is created and connected directly to the intestine. From there I lost 150 pounds. I won’t go into all the details, hands down the single hardest thing I have ever done – it certainly is not the easy way out.

So now I am analyzing and brain debating addiction. They say it take 20 days to change a habit – wrong! Two years and I can slip into the same old eating patterns without a thought. Put a jar of jelly beans in my vicinity and all thought of restraint is gone. It is amazing to think that with just a small pouch and no stomach access that we can still gain weight, but check any magazine or ask around and everyone knows someone who gained it all back. You actually have to beat the odds, bypass the bypass so to speak. So what makes it worth it? Are jelly beans that good? Are you kidding me?

According to wikipedia: “Addiction is characterized by the compulsive use of substances or engagement of behaviors despite clear evidence to the user of consequent morbidity and/or other harmful effects.” Yup, makes total sense.

So what has to happen is to make a life-long change in my relationship with food. You’d think after gastric bypass and all the life changes it created, that this would come naturally, but no. I keep thinking it is going to take some shift in consciousness – like a switch. I hear the right thing, read the right thing and walla – switch shuts off (or turns on) and I have new perspective in controlling my food intake. In the meantime, every day is a battle of will with myself.

We create powerful obsessions with food by trying not to eat certain foods. The more we try, the worse it gets. Eventually, the only thing filling our minds will be the thought of that thing we are trying not to eat. The jelly beans are calling to me. I hear voices and they sound just like jelly beans….or oatmeal cookies…..or wheat thins…….or

As kids, we ate when hungry and stopped when satisfied. But as adults, we morphed into pleasure-centered food addicts. Why is it so hard? Why is it so difficult to eat a little less? After all, we desperately want to eat right. It is our heart's desire. We want to be thin, healthy, full of life, looking great and living life to its fullest. But instead we throw it away for 20 seconds of taste-bud pleasure. Sick.

So I have no answers and continue to seek while each day fighting to not go back to where I have been. Can you relate?

A Bottomless Pit

2009-04-06T15:56:00.000-07:00

So where does God fit in a marriage? Do I put God first or my hubby first? Of course occasionally my hubby wants to feel like a God, master of his domain etc. etc, but that aside is there room in a marriage for three? Him, me and God. In some ways, it may be easier to focus on God when you are single...channel that energy towards God, towards service, time for pray, time for reading, just time. I once had a friend tell me I spent way too much time in my own head. It think that was a subtle way of saying I spend too much time thinking about myself. He thought I should adopt a child so I would have someone else to think about. Instead I just got a new friend – seemed easier.... Anyway, now that I am married (again) seems I have very little time to think about myself. Of course I am heavily involved in ministry now, so I guess my outside focus is much more active than my inside focus. I also notice my Christian walk...my God Walk....is much more enhanced now. I need God more than I did before I was married. The struggle of living with another human day-in and day-out deepens my need for God. By personality type I struggle enough living day-to-day with the people around me (work, family, friends), but then to marry one....holy cow, that is an entirely different story.

When I was in my teens or twenties and wandering thru the dating world, my mother once told me that I was like a bottomless pit...I had high expectations that could never be fulfilled. I’ve thought about that for years. She may have been right (somewhat cruel sounding at the time, but ultimately right). I dated a lot...no one ever fulfilled me...most fell short, very short. I eventually married, nothing fulfilling there. Went back to single life...this is of course when I spent way too much time inward focused (isn’t that called narcissistic?). And then I met Mick, by far the closest anyone has ever come to meeting my expectations, to being truly fulfilling. It is so much the marriage, the man, the relationship that I have looked for, maybe even longed for my entire life. Bummer we didn’t meet until I was 45...would have been nice to add a few more years on the front end. Of course maybe we will live until we are 100 and then be truly sick of each other...who knows.

But I digress... so even with a man who really does fit almost perfectly, who meets so many of my expectations...who dare I say it...completes me (yuck!)...does God still come first? As I really ponder it, I believe it is probably not Mick that fulfills me or completes me. I think it is God working thru Mick, working in our marriage, our lives, our work. It is God filling that bottomless pit, bringing me up to a level that I can stand eye to eye with Mick and love him as he loves me, but both of us under the umbrella of God’s love – that is what truly binds up together. It is God that completes, that fulfills, that brings contentment and peace. God meets my needs. It is only when I forget this and think that I need to get all my needs, expectations and dreams met thru Mick, my husband that I’m truly disappointed. And what an unfair demand on Mick. I am asking him to do what only God can really do.

The chicken is leaking

2009-03-31T23:22:00.000-07:00

So you get home after a 13 hour day, change to jammies, settle in front of the computer (yes it is possible to work in front of a computer all day and relax in front of one at night – yes it is an obsession, no I do not know of any meeting that will cure you or me). Anyway so I am home comfy and settled, the phone rings and I’m told the chicken is overflowing. Oh bummer…do I go or do I stay….alright the backstory.

Each year at North Coast we put on a Seder dinner. The word Seder is a Hebrew word that literally means “order.” Although the word has a number of uses, it is most commonly used to refer to the Passover Seder, a Jewish holiday. During the Passover Seder, Jewish history is relived through the reading of the Haggadah and consumption of traditional foods and drinks. During the Seder, the enslavement of the Jewish people and their exodus from Ancient Egypt is remembered. Seders are generally performed in one’s home and are considered to be a family ritual. That said, it is pretty cool that North Coast chooses to put on this “family” event for 200!

So planning and putting this event on falls under my department. Previous years we had the event catered, but me being me, I thought we should cook. Last year we had Boston Market – while it is good food, it not exactly Passover fare…and we served corn bread – a pretty big Passover no-no.

So we searched the web and came up with some amazing Passover-friendly dishes, including Apricot Marinated Chicken, Potato Kugel, Red Cabbage Salad, Grill Asparagus and Green Salad. After church Sunday, we quickly shopped, shopped, shopped then returned to church to cook, cook, cook. After 6 or so hours we had all the prep work done, everything in trays and in the frig for the night…….headed home. So when you stack metal tray on metal tray filled with slightly frozen marinated chicken – what happens? Well the chicken defrosts, the trays sink into each other and the marinade rises and rises right out of the pans…flowing thru the refrigerator, streaming out the door and onto the floor. Apricot/Mayonnaise glazy marinade in mass creeping slowly across the floor. But I am in my jammies, so do I stay or do I go……I stayed. Figured it would be just as big a mess the next day – the chicken was till marinating so whatever!

Well, the event went off on Monday night without a hitch – great time had by all – the food was pretty darn good. A little (okay a lot) of mopping of the floor and scooping mass marinade from inside the refrigerator, all is good and ready for the military wives breakfast this next weekend.

FOOTPRINTS...A New Version

2009-03-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns.

For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends!

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one. This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.

This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.

Now you pray: 'Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You.'

'That is correct.'

'And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely.'

'Very good.. You have understood everything so far.'

When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way.'

'Precisely.'

'So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first.' There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice.

'You didn't know? It was then that we danced!'

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So I wonder what it would feel like to dance with God? Would it be filled with joy? I found a website that you can go through a joy program, $450. The result: Feel free to just BE, and hang out in the stillness. For some reason this cracked me up. $450 to just be, I think I “be” pretty well on my own, and in the stillness – hanging out is pretty easy as well. But dancing with God, that is a lesson I might be interested in.

I remember the first time I danced with a boy. Eighth grade, a friend’s older brother. Even the song – Elton John's Yellow Brick Road. It was so awkward. He was pretty tall, me pretty short. Of course he was in high school, so “the dance” made for a pretty immediate crush. As I went into high school and started attending dances, it didn’t get much easier. I had a boyfriend so at least I always had a partner, but we could never figure out who was leading. I’ve always thought it would be cool to take dance lessons and be able to give up control and allow him to lead.

Believe it or not I danced with my hubby, Mick the first time last summer. Although I am better, I still feel the pull to lead. So what does that say about dancing with God? Ah…so obvious.

Being obedient to God, abiding in Him is a lot like dancing. Two people can’t lead, it will never be smooth, it will never flow, never be beautiful. When one person allows the other to completely lead, it’s magic to watch. Watch Dancing with Stars and you can see all levels of what I am talking about. When surrender takes place, two become one and the dance is beautiful. So how much joy comes when we truly surrender and let God lead. It is then that we can truly dance...

There Comes a Time

2009-03-18T22:18:00.000-07:00

Someone once told me that there comes a time when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain brought on by change. I took this to mean look for your pain and find the easy way out. So I signed the divorce papers and changed my life, but never considered that maybe this actually meant that I needed to change. One of the phrases we often hear around church is that once we commit to being a follower of Christ, that God will change us from the inside out. But we still have to allow the change, move with the change and adjust to the change.
When I divorced, God didn't let go. I moved into my "new and improved" life and spiraled downward until I hit bottom. Of course at this point in time I didn't know God. God was not in my marriage or particularly in my life. I had this view of God. If you had asked me, I would have said I knew God, but I was not in relationship with him. So here is what I learned – you need God. Ah! So I guess this not a great epiphany. We all need God in our lives, but in some ways we need God even more once we are married.

The challenge of living with another person day-in and day-out deepens our need for God. There is an old cliche about two is company but three is a crowd. Wrong. Two is a marriage; three (when the third entity is God) is a good marriage, maybe a great marriage. Without God, the first bump makes you think maybe I should get out. A major crisis and the door is looking mighty good. So with God in the picture, you have an interesting option when life turns sour. God is your lifeline. God you can turn to. God you can go to. And, yes you can even ask God to change you. To lift your burdens, to change your emotions and to help you understand. God gives us grace. He accepts us with all our failings and wants to be in relationship with us. Why? How is it that we are lovable to God? And, how is it that we can’t show this same grace to people in our lives? How do we forgive, how do we show grace, how do we accept – we ask God to change us. That’s how.

First Thoughts

2009-03-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

Expectations. I think for women expectations can be the devils playground. We form these ideas in our head how things will be, what they’ll look like, what we’ll look like, how a situation will go and then we are disappointed when it doesn't happen exactly as we envisioned. This even goes for life. No matter how you are raised, you pretty much have an expectation to unite with someone, get married, maybe have kids – oh there will be ups and downs – but mostly ups, because we’ll be different, our love will be real. It’s my expectation – visions of sugar plums dance in our heads….

But what if, what if our well-defined unspoken expectations don’t happen exactly as we envisioned? All the chick flicks, TV shows and romance novels tells us that marriage is full of bright, sunshine days and even when it’s bad, it gets is good laugh and in "30 minute sitcom-time" all is resolved. Is this how marriage really plays out?

In a recent sermon, our senior pastor talked about the constant push to take the easy way out. How at times God takes us into the wilderness, where we wander sometimes feeling lost or alone. There are usually escapes – quick exits that can be taken. But these quick exits also usually include compromises, moral or otherwise, that are not healthy to our spiritual life and certainly won’t keep our feet planted on our walk with God. So I started pondering marriage. What if your marriage is feeling like wilderness. What if you are wandering it alone? What if your expectations are not being met? What then?

I never really had a realistic view of marriage. I was raised by a single mom after my father was killed in action. From the stories she told, marriage was pretty much stress-free. My father was funny and smart and a good provider, if he ever got drunk (which was very rare) he would dance with a lampshade on his head and at the end of the 'sitcom' half-hour he would go to bed and wake up in the morning to love my mother and his family. Other facts I know to be true about my father (well at least mom never told me otherwise) are his feet didn’t smell, he never passed gas or belched, he picked up his clothes, lifted the toilet seat and closed the cover, wiped the kitchen counters, never started a project that he didn’t finish, mowed the lawn regularly, didn’t channel surf, didn’t watch sports in his underwear, didn't swear or snore. Perfect picture of a husband...alrightly then... my expectations are all set now.

So when I hit my teens and twenties and started dating, I knew what I was looking for, how he would be, that we’d get married, have two kids, a white picket fence and there was life in a nice little package. My a little more than colorful dating past and little less than colorful first marriage will have to wait for future posts, but back to marriage. Deep within us, we want to be connected. Connected to another person – that person who understands us, loves us…even likes us above all others. God did not make us to walk alone, we are meant to be with others. Our desire for marriage is similar to our need for food. It’s part of our design. But were we ever promised that it would be easy, that it would meet all our expectations? Can we really expect that other person to complete us, fulfill us, make us whole? Or maybe that is too much to ask, maybe we aren’t even asking for that. Maybe, we’d just like him to get up off the couch and voluntarily empty the trash.

The days will come where you look at your spouse and ask why? Why did I marry you? Why did you come into my life? Why did my life turn out this way? Why do you continue to wear those shorts or that shirt? So where do we go from here? And how do we not take the easy way out?

It is somewhat amazing how much time we can spend thinking about ourselves, our needs, our wants, our desires. God created marriage for men and women. In part, marriage if successful forces us out of our own selfishness. The foundation of marriage is sacrifice. It’s laying down our desires, our plans and our will, for the sake of another. It is loving another unconditionally…even when they don’t deserve it, or they snore, or they don’t wipe the kitchen counter and they wear that shirt yet again. We all fall so short of what we are meant to be, what God intended for us. Maybe we just have to allow our spouses to fall short of our expectations…after all they are our expectations, not theirs...