A Bottomless Pit

So where does God fit in a marriage? Do I put God first or my hubby first? Of course occasionally my hubby wants to feel like a God, master of his domain etc. etc, but that aside is there room in a marriage for three? Him, me and God. In some ways, it may be easier to focus on God when you are single...channel that energy towards God, towards service, time for pray, time for reading, just time. I once had a friend tell me I spent way too much time in my own head. It think that was a subtle way of saying I spend too much time thinking about myself. He thought I should adopt a child so I would have someone else to think about. Instead I just got a new friend – seemed easier.... Anyway, now that I am married (again) seems I have very little time to think about myself. Of course I am heavily involved in ministry now, so I guess my outside focus is much more active than my inside focus. I also notice my Christian walk...my God Walk....is much more enhanced now. I need God more than I did before I was married. The struggle of living with another human day-in and day-out deepens my need for God. By personality type I struggle enough living day-to-day with the people around me (work, family, friends), but then to marry one....holy cow, that is an entirely different story.

When I was in my teens or twenties and wandering thru the dating world, my mother once told me that I was like a bottomless pit...I had high expectations that could never be fulfilled. I’ve thought about that for years. She may have been right (somewhat cruel sounding at the time, but ultimately right). I dated a lot...no one ever fulfilled me...most fell short, very short. I eventually married, nothing fulfilling there. Went back to single life...this is of course when I spent way too much time inward focused (isn’t that called narcissistic?). And then I met Mick, by far the closest anyone has ever come to meeting my expectations, to being truly fulfilling. It is so much the marriage, the man, the relationship that I have looked for, maybe even longed for my entire life. Bummer we didn’t meet until I was 45...would have been nice to add a few more years on the front end. Of course maybe we will live until we are 100 and then be truly sick of each other...who knows.

But I digress... so even with a man who really does fit almost perfectly, who meets so many of my expectations...who dare I say it...completes me (yuck!)...does God still come first? As I really ponder it, I believe it is probably not Mick that fulfills me or completes me. I think it is God working thru Mick, working in our marriage, our lives, our work. It is God filling that bottomless pit, bringing me up to a level that I can stand eye to eye with Mick and love him as he loves me, but both of us under the umbrella of God’s love – that is what truly binds up together. It is God that completes, that fulfills, that brings contentment and peace. God meets my needs. It is only when I forget this and think that I need to get all my needs, expectations and dreams met thru Mick, my husband that I’m truly disappointed. And what an unfair demand on Mick. I am asking him to do what only God can really do.

The chicken is leaking

So you get home after a 13 hour day, change to jammies, settle in front of the computer (yes it is possible to work in front of a computer all day and relax in front of one at night – yes it is an obsession, no I do not know of any meeting that will cure you or me). Anyway so I am home comfy and settled, the phone rings and I’m told the chicken is overflowing. Oh bummer…do I go or do I stay….alright the backstory.

Each year at North Coast we put on a Seder dinner. The word Seder is a Hebrew word that literally means “order.” Although the word has a number of uses, it is most commonly used to refer to the Passover Seder, a Jewish holiday. During the Passover Seder, Jewish history is relived through the reading of the Haggadah and consumption of traditional foods and drinks. During the Seder, the enslavement of the Jewish people and their exodus from Ancient Egypt is remembered. Seders are generally performed in one’s home and are considered to be a family ritual. That said, it is pretty cool that North Coast chooses to put on this “family” event for 200!

So planning and putting this event on falls under my department. Previous years we had the event catered, but me being me, I thought we should cook. Last year we had Boston Market – while it is good food, it not exactly Passover fare…and we served corn bread – a pretty big Passover no-no.

So we searched the web and came up with some amazing Passover-friendly dishes, including Apricot Marinated Chicken, Potato Kugel, Red Cabbage Salad, Grill Asparagus and Green Salad. After church Sunday, we quickly shopped, shopped, shopped then returned to church to cook, cook, cook. After 6 or so hours we had all the prep work done, everything in trays and in the frig for the night…….headed home. So when you stack metal tray on metal tray filled with slightly frozen marinated chicken – what happens? Well the chicken defrosts, the trays sink into each other and the marinade rises and rises right out of the pans…flowing thru the refrigerator, streaming out the door and onto the floor. Apricot/Mayonnaise glazy marinade in mass creeping slowly across the floor. But I am in my jammies, so do I stay or do I go……I stayed. Figured it would be just as big a mess the next day – the chicken was till marinating so whatever!

Well, the event went off on Monday night without a hitch – great time had by all – the food was pretty darn good. A little (okay a lot) of mopping of the floor and scooping mass marinade from inside the refrigerator, all is good and ready for the military wives breakfast this next weekend.

FOOTPRINTS...A New Version

Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns.

For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends!

This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one. This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.

This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.

Now you pray: 'Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You.'

'That is correct.'

'And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely.'

'Very good.. You have understood everything so far.'

When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way.'

'Precisely.'

'So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first.' There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice.

'You didn't know? It was then that we danced!'

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So I wonder what it would feel like to dance with God? Would it be filled with joy? I found a website that you can go through a joy program, $450. The result: Feel free to just BE, and hang out in the stillness. For some reason this cracked me up. $450 to just be, I think I “be” pretty well on my own, and in the stillness – hanging out is pretty easy as well. But dancing with God, that is a lesson I might be interested in.

I remember the first time I danced with a boy. Eighth grade, a friend’s older brother. Even the song – Elton John's Yellow Brick Road. It was so awkward. He was pretty tall, me pretty short. Of course he was in high school, so “the dance” made for a pretty immediate crush. As I went into high school and started attending dances, it didn’t get much easier. I had a boyfriend so at least I always had a partner, but we could never figure out who was leading. I’ve always thought it would be cool to take dance lessons and be able to give up control and allow him to lead.

Believe it or not I danced with my hubby, Mick the first time last summer. Although I am better, I still feel the pull to lead. So what does that say about dancing with God? Ah…so obvious.

Being obedient to God, abiding in Him is a lot like dancing. Two people can’t lead, it will never be smooth, it will never flow, never be beautiful. When one person allows the other to completely lead, it’s magic to watch. Watch Dancing with Stars and you can see all levels of what I am talking about. When surrender takes place, two become one and the dance is beautiful. So how much joy comes when we truly surrender and let God lead. It is then that we can truly dance...