So at dinner tonight with friends, we started talking about high school reunions and friends from our past etc. I’ve had a few reunions thus far (yep, last summer was my 30 year....no I didn't attend.) Thirty! Geez…doesn’t seem possible. Anyway, the question came up as to who we have kept in touch with or would want to see again. For me, I guess it is pretty simple…no one…which may explain why I haven’t attended any of my reunions. I think when I was younger I held closer to friendships. I had a few close friends in my twenties, very close friends. As I hit my thirties, I moved to a wide range of associations. No close friends, just lots of people I knew relatively well. It has been a comfortable way to be. You don’t have to be transparent with anyone. Folks see whatever you allow them to see. But does this work? Is it how we are supposed to be?
Can you name three people (who are not related to you) that you would trust with your deepest, most intimate thoughts? I’d guess half of you reading this can name three very quickly, no problem. But the other half (like me) have to think about it. Then on thinking about, you get a bit anxious…because I must know three…or two....even one. Geez…I don’t know….does it have to be my deepest thoughts and feelings?
I’ve learned a few things (well hopefully more than a few) over the last couple of years. According to the corporate world out there, we all need deeper, more trusting relationships if we are going to be successful in career and in life. And then we also know that God did not make us to do life alone. We are meant to do life together. We are meant to share our hopes and fears, failures and goals, dreams and disappointments. We also need people we can ask for help when needed. People who can encourage us, hold us accountable and give us a strong push when it applies. We all need friends we are safe with. You don’t have to do life alone, you are not meant to.
You just have to be willing to reach out, or to accept the hand that reaches to you. Once there, you have to be real, be transparent, be honest with the person(s) you are talking with, as well as honest to yourself. To develop close relationships there must be frequent serious communication, a balance of relationship (how does each person contribute to the relationship) and trust that has been built through helping each other.
I don’t by any means have this down. I still find it easier to function as a bit of a loner, but I keep working on it. My church small groups helps, as it forces me into relationship. And of course my husband helps, since he has never met a person that wasn’t a friend. So I’ll keep plugging along and as I teeter on the brink of turning fifty, maybe I’ll have less broad associations and more deep friendships, as I believe God intended.
