Santa lives at the North Pole; JESUS is everywhere.
Santa rides in a sleigh; JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.
Santa comes but once a year; JESUS is an ever present help.
Santa fills your stockings with goodies; JESUS supplies all your needs.
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited; JESUS stands at your door and knocks.. and then enters your heart.
You have to stand in line to see Santa; JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.
Santa lets you sit on his lap; JESUS lets you rest in His arms.
Santa doesn't know your name, all he can say is "Hi little boy or girl, What's your name?"
JESUS knew our name before we did. Not only does He know our name, He knows our address too. He knows our history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on our heads.
Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly; JESUS has a heart full of love.
All Santa can offer is HO HO HO; JESUS offers health, help and hope.
Santa says "You better not cry"; JESUS says "Cast all your cares on me for I care for you.
Santa's little helpers make toys; JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes and builds mansions.
Santa may make you chuckle but JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.
While Santa puts gifts under your tree; JESUS became our gift and died on the tree.
It's obvious there is really no comparison.
We need to remember WHO Christmas is all about.
We need to put Christ back in Christmas.
Jesus is still the reason for the season.
May the Lord Bless and Watch over you and your loved ones this Christmas 2009
And may He prosper and bless the work of your hands in the New Year.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
A Ball by any other name...
We recently had the honor of attending the Marine Corps Officers Ball on November 10th (the Marine Corps 234th Birthday). As civilians, we gathered our finery … me in a new dress (with my newly improved and reformatted body) and Mick in a Tux. I’d never seen Mick in a tux…yep he looked pretty darn good. We went to the tux shop and he was at home. Only time I’ve seen him more excited is in a candy shop! I think he’d dress that way every day given the opportunity and purpose. For me, I wandered thru many, many stores….so what’s that about – there are no formal dresses out there. It’s the holidays! Where are the formals? Luckily Macy’s came thru and I tested out my new body in a new "small" dress…..that was pretty cool.Going to the Ball is hard to explain. First, it is definitely more of a ceremonial event than a ball. You sort of picture a formal ball, like you see in the movies (An American President, and all that)…everyone dancing the Waltz. Once past that, it really was an inspiring event. First, I love men in uniform (a Tux works too!) It was impossible to be at the Ball and not envision my mom and dad there years ago. I guess as a little girl I always heard about the Ball and equated it to sparkling chandeliers, orchestral music, Prince Charming (in uniform) and a bit of Cinderella. As the Major General gave his speech and walked thru the history of the Corps, the wars fought and the men and women lost, you truly felt you were sitting in part of history. There was a power, a history, a feeling of legacy about the night that is hard to put into words. It was an honor to be among the men and women in the room. It is an honor to be the daughter of one of those men lost in battle.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Meeting Matilda...it's Halloween.
One of my fondest memories as a kid was Halloween. My mother loved Halloween. For whatever reason it was right up her alley. When I was in 2nd or 3rd grade she volunteered for the first time to put on the haunted house for the school Halloween carnival. It was on the stage in the cafeteria. She hung huge sheets of black plastic creating a maze winding through the stage. The hardwood floors created the necessary creaks along the way and we were set for scare. She would create scenes along the way that would scare, creep and make you jump. No blood and guts, nothing gooey or gross – just creepy and scary.
Early on she created Matilda. I do believe I still have parts of Matilda in a storage box somewhere in the attic. Matilda was a skeleton sculpted from paper mache and baked in the oven. The mache would peel and you’d have the illusion of peeling skin – very lifelike. She had a skeleton face, long white hair, boney fingers and sat in a white wedding dress, yes splattered with red paint. Matilda would simply sit in a rocking chair, slowly rocking back and forth. In her lap was a skeleton baby that would occasionally light up. View that as you shuffle along a cold, creaking, dark hallway and when the baby lit up – you’d jump a foot or two – if not the dark cloaked figure in the corner reaching out and slightly touching you would certainly give you a scream and a scare. Mom loved Halloween and she was good at it!
The haunted houses got more creative and more interesting during my elementary school years. I always think of my mom as very creative, very artsy, incredibly bright and enthusiastically eccentric. After quite a few years of haunted houses, I moved on the Jr. High and she lost her venue for her Halloween antics. So they moved to our house. We lived on Indian Rock Road in Vista and every Halloween, all the scare would come out of the garage and take form in our yard, cast along the cactus garden, peeking from the bushes and hanging from the trees. The soundtrack from the haunted house would blast out the front bedroom window so that anyone in the neighborhood knew without a doubt, we had candy if you could handle a little scare.
Years later, after my mother had passed away and I was running her bookstore, I would take a couple rooms of the store and turn them into a mini haunted house each October. It made me think of mom, was wildly creative and even gave Matilda a chance to come out of the attic for a yearly visit. Even today, Halloween will always remind me of mom, bring a smile to my face and cause me to peek out the window to see if there is a full moon or any black cats wandering across the driveway.
Early on she created Matilda. I do believe I still have parts of Matilda in a storage box somewhere in the attic. Matilda was a skeleton sculpted from paper mache and baked in the oven. The mache would peel and you’d have the illusion of peeling skin – very lifelike. She had a skeleton face, long white hair, boney fingers and sat in a white wedding dress, yes splattered with red paint. Matilda would simply sit in a rocking chair, slowly rocking back and forth. In her lap was a skeleton baby that would occasionally light up. View that as you shuffle along a cold, creaking, dark hallway and when the baby lit up – you’d jump a foot or two – if not the dark cloaked figure in the corner reaching out and slightly touching you would certainly give you a scream and a scare. Mom loved Halloween and she was good at it!
The haunted houses got more creative and more interesting during my elementary school years. I always think of my mom as very creative, very artsy, incredibly bright and enthusiastically eccentric. After quite a few years of haunted houses, I moved on the Jr. High and she lost her venue for her Halloween antics. So they moved to our house. We lived on Indian Rock Road in Vista and every Halloween, all the scare would come out of the garage and take form in our yard, cast along the cactus garden, peeking from the bushes and hanging from the trees. The soundtrack from the haunted house would blast out the front bedroom window so that anyone in the neighborhood knew without a doubt, we had candy if you could handle a little scare.
Years later, after my mother had passed away and I was running her bookstore, I would take a couple rooms of the store and turn them into a mini haunted house each October. It made me think of mom, was wildly creative and even gave Matilda a chance to come out of the attic for a yearly visit. Even today, Halloween will always remind me of mom, bring a smile to my face and cause me to peek out the window to see if there is a full moon or any black cats wandering across the driveway.
Back in the saddle...
Hey Ladies
How ya’ been. So rumor has (well maybe not a rumor as I have only heard it from one of you), never-the-less rumor has it, a few of you a wondering where I’ve been. See, I always said if I stopped “spamming’ you, you’d miss me. So here ya’ go.
1. UPDATE ON ME: Long story short – I had surgery October 6th for skin removal and reconstruction as a result of my weight loss (I’ve lost 150lbs over the last 3 years). Surgery went well however there were some complications and blood loss landing me in the hospital for a few days. I’ve now been home for 3 weeks and have basically slept thru the month of October! I am doing well but pretty surprised how long recovery is taking. I guess the problems I had in the hospital and the amount of blood loss really set me back. They are saying the blood loss recovery (returning to full energy) could take a few months as it takes a while for the red blood cells to stock back up. I spent 17 days without a shower. Once the neighbors started to complain, the doctor relented and let me shower – a very good thing! So I technically start back to work Monday (at least part days). Right now I am still waiting for the final drainage tube to be removed and just working towards getting full energy back. All else is good. Oh – and I might just look fabulous. A bit hard to get perspective at the moment but the glimpses are pretty amazing for someone who has been overweight her entire life.
2. THANKSGIVING: Exciting things happening here. We are busy planning our big Thanksgiving Feast. If you haven’t attended, it is way fun and yummy! Last year we served about 250 folks. We have a full turkey and ham feast with all the sides, desserts and left-overs. Crafts, bounce house, movies and activities for the kids. Football games on the big screens for you holiday football fans. Basically everything is there and it is a big party. Lots of fun. Bring yourself, your family, your friends, your neighbors.
3. CHRISTMAS HELP: Christmas is coming. This will be our third year launching our own version of Operation Christmas. Simply if you need help this Christmas with food/presents - shoot me a note. We have folks stepping up to support you. There are a couple different ways, we support you.
· Presents for the kids (about 3 each) will be included on our community outreach tree. When they come in we will sort them get them to you; and/or
· We will have lots food, diapers, supplies, small stocking stuffer gifts coming in; and/or
· For big needs, we have both families and growth groups who will adopt a family. They generally provide gifts, food baskets, gift cards, sometimes a tree or dinner. You can either meet the group and work directly with them or if you prefer not being contacted directly, they can work thru me. I want this easy and comfortable for you. We're here to take off the stress….not add more!!
We are here to make the holidays easier for you. We know there are needs out there and we very much want to come along side you and make the holidays special. This is not meant to help you by the Wii or digital camera for your kids, but to help you have a magical, wonderful Christmas season with as little financial stress as possible. So if you need help or would like a little extra, or know of a family that needs help – don’t be shy…shoot me an email – get on my list. If you have been around the last couple of years, we generally have plenty to go around and I already have families/growth groups waiting to adopt a family for the holidays.
Also mark your calendars – our Christmas Breakfast for military families (men/women/kids) is December 5th – Santa will be in the building, we’ll have a great breakfast, entertainment, door prizes, activities for the kids family photos, etc.
So Talk to me! What’s up? What are your needs? Don’t forget to spread the word about Thanksgiving. Hey I've missed you ladies!
How ya’ been. So rumor has (well maybe not a rumor as I have only heard it from one of you), never-the-less rumor has it, a few of you a wondering where I’ve been. See, I always said if I stopped “spamming’ you, you’d miss me. So here ya’ go.
1. UPDATE ON ME: Long story short – I had surgery October 6th for skin removal and reconstruction as a result of my weight loss (I’ve lost 150lbs over the last 3 years). Surgery went well however there were some complications and blood loss landing me in the hospital for a few days. I’ve now been home for 3 weeks and have basically slept thru the month of October! I am doing well but pretty surprised how long recovery is taking. I guess the problems I had in the hospital and the amount of blood loss really set me back. They are saying the blood loss recovery (returning to full energy) could take a few months as it takes a while for the red blood cells to stock back up. I spent 17 days without a shower. Once the neighbors started to complain, the doctor relented and let me shower – a very good thing! So I technically start back to work Monday (at least part days). Right now I am still waiting for the final drainage tube to be removed and just working towards getting full energy back. All else is good. Oh – and I might just look fabulous. A bit hard to get perspective at the moment but the glimpses are pretty amazing for someone who has been overweight her entire life.
2. THANKSGIVING: Exciting things happening here. We are busy planning our big Thanksgiving Feast. If you haven’t attended, it is way fun and yummy! Last year we served about 250 folks. We have a full turkey and ham feast with all the sides, desserts and left-overs. Crafts, bounce house, movies and activities for the kids. Football games on the big screens for you holiday football fans. Basically everything is there and it is a big party. Lots of fun. Bring yourself, your family, your friends, your neighbors.
3. CHRISTMAS HELP: Christmas is coming. This will be our third year launching our own version of Operation Christmas. Simply if you need help this Christmas with food/presents - shoot me a note. We have folks stepping up to support you. There are a couple different ways, we support you.
· Presents for the kids (about 3 each) will be included on our community outreach tree. When they come in we will sort them get them to you; and/or
· We will have lots food, diapers, supplies, small stocking stuffer gifts coming in; and/or
· For big needs, we have both families and growth groups who will adopt a family. They generally provide gifts, food baskets, gift cards, sometimes a tree or dinner. You can either meet the group and work directly with them or if you prefer not being contacted directly, they can work thru me. I want this easy and comfortable for you. We're here to take off the stress….not add more!!
We are here to make the holidays easier for you. We know there are needs out there and we very much want to come along side you and make the holidays special. This is not meant to help you by the Wii or digital camera for your kids, but to help you have a magical, wonderful Christmas season with as little financial stress as possible. So if you need help or would like a little extra, or know of a family that needs help – don’t be shy…shoot me an email – get on my list. If you have been around the last couple of years, we generally have plenty to go around and I already have families/growth groups waiting to adopt a family for the holidays.
Also mark your calendars – our Christmas Breakfast for military families (men/women/kids) is December 5th – Santa will be in the building, we’ll have a great breakfast, entertainment, door prizes, activities for the kids family photos, etc.
So Talk to me! What’s up? What are your needs? Don’t forget to spread the word about Thanksgiving. Hey I've missed you ladies!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Fitting in...
Wow..what a couple weeks! I went into surgery October 6th. All went well with the surgery until time to go home when I had a little problem staying conscious anytime I was vertical. In the end we had Mick and myself, my surgeon, the surgical nurse, the office nurse and some other random office people all in the parking garage trying to keep me conscious long enough to get me back inside the building.
Passing out is weird...I just felt like I wanted to sleep. I’d close by eyes and feel like I’d doze off then everyone would yell and put smelling salts under my nose and 3-4 minutes later I’d wake up. Then move and we’d start all over again. In the end I ended up in the hospital for a couple days while they figured out where I was losing blood. Two days later I had a second surgery to sort of vacuum me out remove pooling blood and fixing any leaks. So I came home after that and all’s been pretty good. I am really surprised how little pain I’ve actually had. Of course, these amazing little white pills they gave me seem to help a whole lot with any pain issues.
So I’m now confined (sort of) to the couch. It’s been fun though...friends have been bringing meals and it’s like a taste test every night. Mick is in heaven! So cool to have a hot meal for him every night and I don’t have to do a thing. I could get used to this. Of course sitting on the couch has given me lots and lots of time to think. Well actually I am in a four hour cycle. Take a pill – sleep for 3 hours – wake for one...take a pill sleep for three, wake for one etc. Anyway, so during the one hour waking time, I’ve been thinking...
My surgery was elective. I have the advantage of “needing it” due to weight loss. But it did make me think a lot about the choices we make to fit in, to feel better about ourselves, to change into someone or something we think we are not. I saw these beautiful girls in the surgeons office and couldn’t help but wonder what were they having done, fixed, nipped or tucked. Did they really need it? They looked modelish, yet they were in being "fixed".
We spend so much time trying to be other than we are. As I am approaching the great age of 50, I am acutely aware that I don’t seek the same public approval as I did when I was younger. I now get my “approval” some from my husband and most from my relationship with God. Of course some is just age and I got tired of asking for some illusive approval that never really came. But boy do I remember being in my teens, 20’s and even 30’s and constantly seeking to fit in to get approval from who...the cool people? The in-crowd? The next door neighbors? and so on. I remember once going to pick up my nephews from a swim lesson. I arrived early so went over and sat by a couple of my sisters neighbors, whom I had met a few times. They got up and moved! Yikes. Guess I didn’t fit into that neighborhood.
Anyway, I have a friend in their 20’s struggling with the need to fit in. They morph and change to fit whatever crowd they are trying to fit into, so much so that they no longer have a grasp on who they are. Have you been there? I lived there for a lot of years. If we could just see ourselves as God sees us. When a mother sees her child, she knows this child is the most beautiful thing she could ever see. He/she is perfect... every grin, every action, every moment – they are beautiful, they are perfect, they are amazing. That is how God sees us – we are His daughter, we are his Son and we are perfect his His eyes. It is only in our own eyes that we have to measure up to someone else.
So time for another pill and I’ll catch you all in 3 hours...
Passing out is weird...I just felt like I wanted to sleep. I’d close by eyes and feel like I’d doze off then everyone would yell and put smelling salts under my nose and 3-4 minutes later I’d wake up. Then move and we’d start all over again. In the end I ended up in the hospital for a couple days while they figured out where I was losing blood. Two days later I had a second surgery to sort of vacuum me out remove pooling blood and fixing any leaks. So I came home after that and all’s been pretty good. I am really surprised how little pain I’ve actually had. Of course, these amazing little white pills they gave me seem to help a whole lot with any pain issues.
So I’m now confined (sort of) to the couch. It’s been fun though...friends have been bringing meals and it’s like a taste test every night. Mick is in heaven! So cool to have a hot meal for him every night and I don’t have to do a thing. I could get used to this. Of course sitting on the couch has given me lots and lots of time to think. Well actually I am in a four hour cycle. Take a pill – sleep for 3 hours – wake for one...take a pill sleep for three, wake for one etc. Anyway, so during the one hour waking time, I’ve been thinking...
My surgery was elective. I have the advantage of “needing it” due to weight loss. But it did make me think a lot about the choices we make to fit in, to feel better about ourselves, to change into someone or something we think we are not. I saw these beautiful girls in the surgeons office and couldn’t help but wonder what were they having done, fixed, nipped or tucked. Did they really need it? They looked modelish, yet they were in being "fixed".
We spend so much time trying to be other than we are. As I am approaching the great age of 50, I am acutely aware that I don’t seek the same public approval as I did when I was younger. I now get my “approval” some from my husband and most from my relationship with God. Of course some is just age and I got tired of asking for some illusive approval that never really came. But boy do I remember being in my teens, 20’s and even 30’s and constantly seeking to fit in to get approval from who...the cool people? The in-crowd? The next door neighbors? and so on. I remember once going to pick up my nephews from a swim lesson. I arrived early so went over and sat by a couple of my sisters neighbors, whom I had met a few times. They got up and moved! Yikes. Guess I didn’t fit into that neighborhood.
Anyway, I have a friend in their 20’s struggling with the need to fit in. They morph and change to fit whatever crowd they are trying to fit into, so much so that they no longer have a grasp on who they are. Have you been there? I lived there for a lot of years. If we could just see ourselves as God sees us. When a mother sees her child, she knows this child is the most beautiful thing she could ever see. He/she is perfect... every grin, every action, every moment – they are beautiful, they are perfect, they are amazing. That is how God sees us – we are His daughter, we are his Son and we are perfect his His eyes. It is only in our own eyes that we have to measure up to someone else.
So time for another pill and I’ll catch you all in 3 hours...
Saturday, October 3, 2009
In the Meantime...
How can time fly by so fast? My gosh, it’s insane. I keep thinking I need to catch up on blogging, but time goes, goes, goes. Not really sure how folks do daily blogs…either they have much more time than me, or way more disciplines. Hmmmm….probably both. Today was the military breakfast, so cool – lots of new faces. So I miss all of families who are now on the east coast (and truly east in Okinawa), but am also happy to see the new folks migrating our way.
So our next BIG event is Thanksgiving Day Dinner. It is just the greatest day – Mick and my favorite day by far. Two years ago, on a whim, we decided to cook Thanksgiving dinner at North Coast for whomever might show up….150 showed up! Last year we had 250. Can’t wait for this year. So ya’ know…
Bring the family or just yourself..... we will provide Turkey with all the fixins', Pumpkin Pie and Football on the BIG SCREEN....and Activities plus a Jumphouse for the kids. It will all be there. The last two years we had an amazing time - this year we expect it to be even better! Thursday, November 26, 1:00 PM, North Coast Church - Video Café.
So in the meantime…..between now and Thanksgiving, I’ve got some personal plans that will put me out of commission for a few weeks. Tuesday morning (Oct 6th) I am having plastic surgery for skin removal and reconstruction as a result of my weight loss. The surgery will include stomach, butt and chest (also known as boobs). It will be in La Jolla and is expected to take 4-5 hours….yikes. I will be off work 3-4 weeks for recovery…another yikes. They plan to remove 12-15lbs of skin…double yikes and yuck. Biggest risk is bleeding and I have a history of pulmonary embolism (blood clots to the lungs) – so that’s a worry.
So the whole idea is a bit surreal. Just the idea that someone is going to cut you and reshape you. So odd. Plus I’ve never really been cut on. Although I had gastric bypass – it was laparoscopic. So real surgery is pretty scary. Prayers are welcomed!
So our next BIG event is Thanksgiving Day Dinner. It is just the greatest day – Mick and my favorite day by far. Two years ago, on a whim, we decided to cook Thanksgiving dinner at North Coast for whomever might show up….150 showed up! Last year we had 250. Can’t wait for this year. So ya’ know…
Bring the family or just yourself..... we will provide Turkey with all the fixins', Pumpkin Pie and Football on the BIG SCREEN....and Activities plus a Jumphouse for the kids. It will all be there. The last two years we had an amazing time - this year we expect it to be even better! Thursday, November 26, 1:00 PM, North Coast Church - Video Café.
So in the meantime…..between now and Thanksgiving, I’ve got some personal plans that will put me out of commission for a few weeks. Tuesday morning (Oct 6th) I am having plastic surgery for skin removal and reconstruction as a result of my weight loss. The surgery will include stomach, butt and chest (also known as boobs). It will be in La Jolla and is expected to take 4-5 hours….yikes. I will be off work 3-4 weeks for recovery…another yikes. They plan to remove 12-15lbs of skin…double yikes and yuck. Biggest risk is bleeding and I have a history of pulmonary embolism (blood clots to the lungs) – so that’s a worry.
So the whole idea is a bit surreal. Just the idea that someone is going to cut you and reshape you. So odd. Plus I’ve never really been cut on. Although I had gastric bypass – it was laparoscopic. So real surgery is pretty scary. Prayers are welcomed!
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Love Doing Life with you!
Today was the military wives potluck getting ready for, and recipes for, our upcoming cookbook. And, it was the 3 year anniversary of the North Coast military ministry. Amazing 3 years! Mick and I have been so incredibly blessed by this ministry. Three years ago, it was a thought, maybe a calling. I felt the push to start a military wives ministry. When I think back now, I’m not sure what it was…an impulse….a calling….God’s directive? When I first brought it up, I was told no, not now – we don’t need another ministry for women. But I kept feeling the tug. The push. So I went back….and we launched a ministry.
In last weekend’s sermon, Pastor Chris reminded us how we are called to service. In John 21, Jesus asked Peter “do you love me.” Two additional times Peter is asked the same question. The message is clear “if you love me, do what I ask.” Pretty simple stuff actually.
I find the longer I am in this ministry, the more it becomes about my love for Jesus. It becomes about my passion for Jesus. When I forget that and become passionate about the ministry, it still runs well, but doesn’t have quite the sparkle…the daily surprise. When I keep my eyes on Jesus and remember my heart for Him, then I am amazed daily by the blessings this ministry brings to my life. And the ways God allows us to bless others.
As Jesus confronts Peter the second time “do you love me?”, he goes on to say feed my lambs, tend my flock, feed my sheep. God puts us in position where we can be used to serve Him and care for His children. So as I look at the ministry we have today, I am in awe how God has worked this ministry and blessed me through it. I love doing life with you guys! Can’t wait to see where we go from here…
In last weekend’s sermon, Pastor Chris reminded us how we are called to service. In John 21, Jesus asked Peter “do you love me.” Two additional times Peter is asked the same question. The message is clear “if you love me, do what I ask.” Pretty simple stuff actually.
I find the longer I am in this ministry, the more it becomes about my love for Jesus. It becomes about my passion for Jesus. When I forget that and become passionate about the ministry, it still runs well, but doesn’t have quite the sparkle…the daily surprise. When I keep my eyes on Jesus and remember my heart for Him, then I am amazed daily by the blessings this ministry brings to my life. And the ways God allows us to bless others.
As Jesus confronts Peter the second time “do you love me?”, he goes on to say feed my lambs, tend my flock, feed my sheep. God puts us in position where we can be used to serve Him and care for His children. So as I look at the ministry we have today, I am in awe how God has worked this ministry and blessed me through it. I love doing life with you guys! Can’t wait to see where we go from here…
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
The New Me?
I've been pondering changes that happen in our lives. I here it from all of you and I've experienced in my own life. I think about the transformations I have gone thru…..four careers, two marriages, multiple homes, multiple pets…and that’s not including emotional, spiritual and physical changes. Sometimes we strive for change, actually chase it down. Sometimes change comes unexpectedly. I have never feared change. I have always loved it, actually thrived on it. When I see change coming I find it exhilarating. Anyone who knows me knows that three years ago (next week July 18th) I began a journey to lose weight, get healthy and extend my life. I lost over 150lbs, have gained back about 20 and every day remains a huge challenge to maintain my weight and embrace a new lifestyle. Some days are good, some days bad - evil food calls my name…very loudly. But it has been an incredible challenge and incredible change.
Last year I walked half a dozen 5K/10K’s…..and in November walked the 60-mile 3-day Breast Cancer Walk. I guess the 3-day was sort of the culmination for the journey I had been on. It was something I never could have done any other time in my life because of weight – it was a huge personal challenge. So why am I babbling on?
I've been building/planting a cactus garden on the hill behind my house…big hill, pretty big garden. Somehow I tweaked my knee…which after a few weeks sent me to the Orthopedic. We of course have one practically on call with Mick’s on-again off-again back issues. Anyway after an MRI, he says I have severe arthritis in my knee and basically no cartilage left…so get used to the pain. Hmmmm, doesn't sound like me. Then I have this hip that since the walk has had on and off pain…diagnosis – arthritis. And, my lower leg from knee to toes now has constant, do you call it chronic, pain – always present varying levels of pain. Cause? Most likely arthritis in my low back.
So how do you go from walking 60-miles and building a cactus garden in a body that is 150lbs lighter to living in constant pain and popping Tylenol in the course of a few weeks? What’s that all about? Not a change I’m liking. My doctor keeps reminding me that I will be 50 in just over 6 months. Fifty – are you kidding me? Okay first of all, can I really be turning 50 – what happened to the last 30 years. Guess they were there, full of lots of change. Second, HELLO fifty is not old…so I don’t plan to be hobbling around for the next 30 years. Guess the next change is a different doctor. I’ll keep you posted.
Last year I walked half a dozen 5K/10K’s…..and in November walked the 60-mile 3-day Breast Cancer Walk. I guess the 3-day was sort of the culmination for the journey I had been on. It was something I never could have done any other time in my life because of weight – it was a huge personal challenge. So why am I babbling on?
I've been building/planting a cactus garden on the hill behind my house…big hill, pretty big garden. Somehow I tweaked my knee…which after a few weeks sent me to the Orthopedic. We of course have one practically on call with Mick’s on-again off-again back issues. Anyway after an MRI, he says I have severe arthritis in my knee and basically no cartilage left…so get used to the pain. Hmmmm, doesn't sound like me. Then I have this hip that since the walk has had on and off pain…diagnosis – arthritis. And, my lower leg from knee to toes now has constant, do you call it chronic, pain – always present varying levels of pain. Cause? Most likely arthritis in my low back.
So how do you go from walking 60-miles and building a cactus garden in a body that is 150lbs lighter to living in constant pain and popping Tylenol in the course of a few weeks? What’s that all about? Not a change I’m liking. My doctor keeps reminding me that I will be 50 in just over 6 months. Fifty – are you kidding me? Okay first of all, can I really be turning 50 – what happened to the last 30 years. Guess they were there, full of lots of change. Second, HELLO fifty is not old…so I don’t plan to be hobbling around for the next 30 years. Guess the next change is a different doctor. I’ll keep you posted.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Random Updates
Summer Small Group - we will be launching a summer small group for Military Wives the week of July 6th. Interested? It will be for prayer, support, digging deeper into the weekend sermons and fellowship. So two questions for you. One: Are you interested in joining? Two: When should we have it? During the weekday? Thursday evenings? Or Saturday before Frontline? If you are interested, send me your thoughts, so we can get this organized.
Summer Picnic - Our annual picnic is quickly approaching. I can't tell you how cool it is going to be…okay I'll try! It is going to be really cool! At Green Oak Ranch in Vista (off Sycamore). The food will be plentiful and beyond amazing. We have tons of activities for kids and adults, or you can just hang out in the beautiful park-like setting. Bring your beach chairs, blankets etc. And by the way - if you are attending any military function between now and July 11th where you could hand out flyers, let me know and I'll get some to you or I can send it by email. This is a great event to invite friends, neighbors, etc. It is for all military and their families - married or single, old or young, enthusiastic or boring - we'll be ready for you!
Breakfasts - There is no breakfast in July due to the picnic, and we were thinking no breakfast in August. But WAIT...skipping two months!! NO! So on August 1st, we'll be having a..........lunch! A Potluck - you are cooking for me :-) We'll have prizes for best dish, most patriotic and whatever else I can think of. So I'll be getting more detail to you, but this will be eating, socializing and getting to know one another. A day of fun and food - what could be better? Mark you calendars.
Women - I am getting more and more women asking about the ministry who are girlfriends, or women who are active duty. When we started the ministry, we called it Military Wives, but it is open to all women. I just can't figure out how to rename it. If I say Military Women, then it sounds like only women serving. So the name remains the same, but do know we have active duty women, single women and girlfriends - if you are female and connected to the military - it is for you.
Summer Picnic - Our annual picnic is quickly approaching. I can't tell you how cool it is going to be…okay I'll try! It is going to be really cool! At Green Oak Ranch in Vista (off Sycamore). The food will be plentiful and beyond amazing. We have tons of activities for kids and adults, or you can just hang out in the beautiful park-like setting. Bring your beach chairs, blankets etc. And by the way - if you are attending any military function between now and July 11th where you could hand out flyers, let me know and I'll get some to you or I can send it by email. This is a great event to invite friends, neighbors, etc. It is for all military and their families - married or single, old or young, enthusiastic or boring - we'll be ready for you!
Breakfasts - There is no breakfast in July due to the picnic, and we were thinking no breakfast in August. But WAIT...skipping two months!! NO! So on August 1st, we'll be having a..........lunch! A Potluck - you are cooking for me :-) We'll have prizes for best dish, most patriotic and whatever else I can think of. So I'll be getting more detail to you, but this will be eating, socializing and getting to know one another. A day of fun and food - what could be better? Mark you calendars.
Women - I am getting more and more women asking about the ministry who are girlfriends, or women who are active duty. When we started the ministry, we called it Military Wives, but it is open to all women. I just can't figure out how to rename it. If I say Military Women, then it sounds like only women serving. So the name remains the same, but do know we have active duty women, single women and girlfriends - if you are female and connected to the military - it is for you.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Up Close and Personal
So at dinner tonight with friends, we started talking about high school reunions and friends from our past etc. I’ve had a few reunions thus far (yep, last summer was my 30 year....no I didn't attend.) Thirty! Geez…doesn’t seem possible. Anyway, the question came up as to who we have kept in touch with or would want to see again. For me, I guess it is pretty simple…no one…which may explain why I haven’t attended any of my reunions. I think when I was younger I held closer to friendships. I had a few close friends in my twenties, very close friends. As I hit my thirties, I moved to a wide range of associations. No close friends, just lots of people I knew relatively well. It has been a comfortable way to be. You don’t have to be transparent with anyone. Folks see whatever you allow them to see. But does this work? Is it how we are supposed to be?
Can you name three people (who are not related to you) that you would trust with your deepest, most intimate thoughts? I’d guess half of you reading this can name three very quickly, no problem. But the other half (like me) have to think about it. Then on thinking about, you get a bit anxious…because I must know three…or two....even one. Geez…I don’t know….does it have to be my deepest thoughts and feelings?
I’ve learned a few things (well hopefully more than a few) over the last couple of years. According to the corporate world out there, we all need deeper, more trusting relationships if we are going to be successful in career and in life. And then we also know that God did not make us to do life alone. We are meant to do life together. We are meant to share our hopes and fears, failures and goals, dreams and disappointments. We also need people we can ask for help when needed. People who can encourage us, hold us accountable and give us a strong push when it applies. We all need friends we are safe with. You don’t have to do life alone, you are not meant to.
You just have to be willing to reach out, or to accept the hand that reaches to you. Once there, you have to be real, be transparent, be honest with the person(s) you are talking with, as well as honest to yourself. To develop close relationships there must be frequent serious communication, a balance of relationship (how does each person contribute to the relationship) and trust that has been built through helping each other.
I don’t by any means have this down. I still find it easier to function as a bit of a loner, but I keep working on it. My church small groups helps, as it forces me into relationship. And of course my husband helps, since he has never met a person that wasn’t a friend. So I’ll keep plugging along and as I teeter on the brink of turning fifty, maybe I’ll have less broad associations and more deep friendships, as I believe God intended.
Can you name three people (who are not related to you) that you would trust with your deepest, most intimate thoughts? I’d guess half of you reading this can name three very quickly, no problem. But the other half (like me) have to think about it. Then on thinking about, you get a bit anxious…because I must know three…or two....even one. Geez…I don’t know….does it have to be my deepest thoughts and feelings?
I’ve learned a few things (well hopefully more than a few) over the last couple of years. According to the corporate world out there, we all need deeper, more trusting relationships if we are going to be successful in career and in life. And then we also know that God did not make us to do life alone. We are meant to do life together. We are meant to share our hopes and fears, failures and goals, dreams and disappointments. We also need people we can ask for help when needed. People who can encourage us, hold us accountable and give us a strong push when it applies. We all need friends we are safe with. You don’t have to do life alone, you are not meant to.
You just have to be willing to reach out, or to accept the hand that reaches to you. Once there, you have to be real, be transparent, be honest with the person(s) you are talking with, as well as honest to yourself. To develop close relationships there must be frequent serious communication, a balance of relationship (how does each person contribute to the relationship) and trust that has been built through helping each other.
I don’t by any means have this down. I still find it easier to function as a bit of a loner, but I keep working on it. My church small groups helps, as it forces me into relationship. And of course my husband helps, since he has never met a person that wasn’t a friend. So I’ll keep plugging along and as I teeter on the brink of turning fifty, maybe I’ll have less broad associations and more deep friendships, as I believe God intended.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
I just have to share...
This is one of the funniest things I think I have ever read....
QUESTIONS TO A DOCTOR:
Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wineand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION.... eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
AND REMEMBER: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – microbrew in one hand, chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride!!!'
QUESTIONS TO A DOCTOR:
Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets. AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fatand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wineand suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION.... eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
AND REMEMBER: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – microbrew in one hand, chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride!!!'
Monday, May 11, 2009
God-time
So, when it comes to God, can you spend too much time with Him. Too much time seeking Him? I work at North Coast Church. Three to four times a year, the leadership team plans a staff day…sometimes it is as simple as lunch, others a training of some sort. Once bowling. And, we spent one day at Green Oak Ranch playing games, building cardboard forts that impersonated vehicles and throwing, as well as dodging, water balloons.
So a week ago we were all called together to give us direction for our next all staff time. As we sat together waiting for what adventure we would be sent on, we were told to take a Sabbath. The following Wednesday the church would be closed and we were to spend our time in a day of rest and renewal. A day to seek God, a day to just listen. Listen? You mean it not about me talking?
I had planned on spending the time alone (with God) but then thought I’d just let God lead me. I ended up beginning my day with my sister. At times, she is one of my more challenging relationships so I felt lead to begin time with her. I have a friend who is Jewish – he once told me before the day of Atonement (Yom Kippur), you have to get right with man before you can get right with God. I think about that a lot. When I seek God, when I ask God for blessings…I stop to think am I right with my world, right with people in my life. Anyway, I met my sister at the Prince of Peace Abby in Oceanside. We first attended their mass (with the monks). Very cool. Beautiful, beautiful Abby atop a hill over the airport and then the monks…. I find monks so intriguing – so Godly. And they sing, as monks often do! After mass we went their one mile station of the cross prayer walk, stopping at each station reading the corresponding scriptures and discussing them on the way to the next station. My sister’s biblical knowledge is amazing. She has always been so much smarter than me. Sailing thru college, while I crawled on my hands and knees. Anyway, I would love to have her knowledge of the bible. I have good people knowledge, she has great book knowledge. So I am rambling. We spent three hours at the Abby, and then separated for the remainder of the day.
We then separated and I went to Torrey Pines, hiked the trails. Nothing real significant but spent time on the trails, listening to worship music and just being in “awe” of all that God has created. Spent a lot of time just listening, just sitting and some time reading Louis Giglio’s The Air I Breathe..subtitle Worship as a Way of Life. How we worship, what we worship and why. And how God both wants and designed us to worship Him. A day spent seeking God, something I need to do and will try to do more often.
So my recommendation for you, find time…an hour here, two hours there…set it aside to just be…just be with God…sit in His presence. No expectations, just let God lead you.
So a week ago we were all called together to give us direction for our next all staff time. As we sat together waiting for what adventure we would be sent on, we were told to take a Sabbath. The following Wednesday the church would be closed and we were to spend our time in a day of rest and renewal. A day to seek God, a day to just listen. Listen? You mean it not about me talking?
I had planned on spending the time alone (with God) but then thought I’d just let God lead me. I ended up beginning my day with my sister. At times, she is one of my more challenging relationships so I felt lead to begin time with her. I have a friend who is Jewish – he once told me before the day of Atonement (Yom Kippur), you have to get right with man before you can get right with God. I think about that a lot. When I seek God, when I ask God for blessings…I stop to think am I right with my world, right with people in my life. Anyway, I met my sister at the Prince of Peace Abby in Oceanside. We first attended their mass (with the monks). Very cool. Beautiful, beautiful Abby atop a hill over the airport and then the monks…. I find monks so intriguing – so Godly. And they sing, as monks often do! After mass we went their one mile station of the cross prayer walk, stopping at each station reading the corresponding scriptures and discussing them on the way to the next station. My sister’s biblical knowledge is amazing. She has always been so much smarter than me. Sailing thru college, while I crawled on my hands and knees. Anyway, I would love to have her knowledge of the bible. I have good people knowledge, she has great book knowledge. So I am rambling. We spent three hours at the Abby, and then separated for the remainder of the day.
We then separated and I went to Torrey Pines, hiked the trails. Nothing real significant but spent time on the trails, listening to worship music and just being in “awe” of all that God has created. Spent a lot of time just listening, just sitting and some time reading Louis Giglio’s The Air I Breathe..subtitle Worship as a Way of Life. How we worship, what we worship and why. And how God both wants and designed us to worship Him. A day spent seeking God, something I need to do and will try to do more often.
So my recommendation for you, find time…an hour here, two hours there…set it aside to just be…just be with God…sit in His presence. No expectations, just let God lead you.
Friday, April 24, 2009
How does this happen?
I started this blog with thoughts about marriage, actually with thoughts about taking the easy way out…well not me, but others. Today I received a call about a young marine who needed some quick help. His wife picked up and left, leaving behind their 3 month old and 2 year old. She took the bank account, but left the babies. Took the car and car seats, left the babies. No diapers wipes or formula. How does this happen? How does life get so overwhelming, so intolerable that you pick and go, leaving behind your children? I know nothing about the marriage, the husband, the life….but logic would tell you if the husband was the problem you wouldn’t leave your babies with him.
This is third time I’ve seen this in the past year or so. For most women, it’s the one bond they'd never break, so what does it take for a young mom to walk out on her family? In some cases, the mom is acting on a belief that it is genuinely better for the child. Maybe they think that the children will be better off with the dad….financially better, familiar environment, etc. Hmmm, maybe. Maybe, they think leaving the babies with the dad is genuinely leaving them in good hands or better hands. Could it be through depression over life that they no longer see themselves as fit to care for their children? Because their self-esteem is so low they talk themselves out of motherhood? So off they go leaving the babies with dad. Or, as in one of the cases I ran across, the grass appears greener away from the family and there is a new guy that looks like an answer to all of life’s problems.
So they go. They may even think it is a temporary measure. That eventually they’ll have the money and somewhere suitable to live, and then they will come for their kids. Of course they usually end up in court fighting for custody. In the end, the children have to choose and they choose to stay with their father because he is who they know.
I have never heard of a mom who walked away who felt that it was the right thing to do. No one can describe the misery of being a mother who is apart from their children. So I guess this is just another plea…go for help, cry out, see a counselor, talk to a friend, a pastor, a mentor…but cry out. Fight for your family, for your marriage, for your life. Giving up, taking the easy way out, going for the greener grass, quick escapes ….are never the answer in any areas of life but especially not with our marriage or our children. And, continually seek God.
This is third time I’ve seen this in the past year or so. For most women, it’s the one bond they'd never break, so what does it take for a young mom to walk out on her family? In some cases, the mom is acting on a belief that it is genuinely better for the child. Maybe they think that the children will be better off with the dad….financially better, familiar environment, etc. Hmmm, maybe. Maybe, they think leaving the babies with the dad is genuinely leaving them in good hands or better hands. Could it be through depression over life that they no longer see themselves as fit to care for their children? Because their self-esteem is so low they talk themselves out of motherhood? So off they go leaving the babies with dad. Or, as in one of the cases I ran across, the grass appears greener away from the family and there is a new guy that looks like an answer to all of life’s problems.
So they go. They may even think it is a temporary measure. That eventually they’ll have the money and somewhere suitable to live, and then they will come for their kids. Of course they usually end up in court fighting for custody. In the end, the children have to choose and they choose to stay with their father because he is who they know.
I have never heard of a mom who walked away who felt that it was the right thing to do. No one can describe the misery of being a mother who is apart from their children. So I guess this is just another plea…go for help, cry out, see a counselor, talk to a friend, a pastor, a mentor…but cry out. Fight for your family, for your marriage, for your life. Giving up, taking the easy way out, going for the greener grass, quick escapes ….are never the answer in any areas of life but especially not with our marriage or our children. And, continually seek God.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Marriage Questions - Part I
At the risk of turning into Dear Abby, last weekend we had our monthly military wives breakfast. We offered a panel of women who have solid marriages to answer questions that you have...everything was covered from parenting, finances and communication to sex, no sex, infidelity and pornography. I thought it might be helpful to post some of the questions...some of the brief answers and if you have any of your own comments/answers, feel free to post a comment; it would be great to hear from you. We can classify this as Part I, as I have a lot of cards with questions on them. The answers are coming from a number of women whom I respect and trust their judgment, who are solid Christians and work on their marriages daily!
What are tips you can offer to keep the spark in your marriage? If you have kid’s promise to give yourself a date night where you do not talk about your kids! If you do not have kids, you have a bit more freedom so try something new together. Play basketball, do ceramics, pottery, exercise together….something! Either way, schedule your date night ahead of time so things do not get in the way. Above all….laugh!! If childcare is an issue – trade with a neighbor...watch their kids for their date night – they watch your kids for your night.
How do you deal with a husband that doesn’t want to talk about issues and then gets mad when you talk to your friends about it? Choose one friend that you want to be transparent with and tell you husband that you confide in her about everything or whatever the two of you agree upon. Remember this friend needs to be Christ-like and someone your husband respects. I have one friend I tell everything to but I also know that it does not go anywhere. Is your husband mad because he is finding out from another source? If so, you did not choose the right friend to confide in.
When you notice your husband changing or you yourself are changing, how do you adjust to the change even if you don’t like who they are becoming? Focus on who God has created them t be. There is a certain part of their/our DNA that does not change if we are followers of Christ. Focus on that and grow with him. If it is us changing….if we are looking to the Lord for how we should be changing we are good to go. If we are changing into someone he does not want us to be, and we all know when we are, nothing good will come of it. We will always change but by focusing on those things we appreciate in each other, who God has made us, and keep the open communication….we’re good.
What do you do to facilitate growth in your mate (spiritual and otherwise)? Be the light. Be the one that he can go to for encouragement. Men need to know that their wife respects and values them! Focus on the growth he has made and the areas he thrives in. Try not to compare and wish he was in a different position or was someone else. Understand what it means to be a man, husband and father. I have to remind myself that it is his job to be the provider and take care of us and with that comes a whole different ball game of obstacles and challenges. My husband acts differently than I and often his actions are motivated by those roles.
When you know your husband is going to make a mistake in his choices – wrong friendships or work choices – how do you approach him without telling him what to do? Ah this is a hard one. Make sure your approach is biblical and make sure you do not approach him as a mother. Come by his side and share feelings of concern. If you question his choices you are questioning him. Men do not like to feel like they are being questioned. Use “I” language. “I feel _______ is a bad influence on our marriage because….” Once you express your feelings, if he still chooses the “mistake” then it is his call – let him make the mistake – we are not their mothers. Of course if you are proven right – NEVER, NEVER say I told you so. Now would be the time to be encouraging and compassionate that it didn’t work out for him.
What is the correct action for husbands and porn? To the point…always bringing in the biblical principles that apply. Also, realize that PLENTY of men struggle with this. Again, use “I” language and let him know how it makes you feel as his wife and woman of Christ. If you can get him to agree, you can block these things as well whether it is the internet or if he is buying pay per view. It is great for men to be in a growth group or men’s group so they have accountability and be with other men struggling (and overcoming) with the same issues.
How do you get your husband to take on the role of “head of the household?” My husband is a believer, but is hesitant to take up the spiritual leadership of the family. Make sure your definition for “head of the household” aligns with God definition. I believe we as a society often add in our own definitions. I do the bills in my house along with many other things that wives often consider being the husband’s responsibility. We motivate each other to continue our spiritual growth. Know your husband’s strengths and weakness’ and try not have expectations for your husband that align with those weakness’. Build upon his strengths. You both bring a ton to the plate. Complement each other. I view “head of the household” is the one that has the final say. I express my feelings with respect and I expect him to consider them but I am okay with his decision.
How do you get over infidelity in a marriage? Prayer!! Figure out why it happened. Really why it happened!! It takes one person to do the act but it takes two people to get the marriage to that point. At the point of infidelity, both people need to dig in deep and learn about themselves and really find out what went wrong. There’s usually a lack of love and respect on both ends. It does not excuse the act at all but I do believe more marriages can survive the awful situation if they stop pointing fingers, get into counseling and looked at the speck in their own eye. And Prayer!!!
What’s a good way of getting a point across without it becoming an argument? Safety days! Safety days is a way to communicate. One person is the “speaker” the other is the “container”. The container is not allowed to comment on what the speaker says. You have to use “I” language expressing feelings. The conversation ends and you connect again the next day, but the roles reverse. This gives you time to listen to what is said, process it and not act on emotion. Best of all, you learn to listen which is one of the most difficult tasks!
My husband snores so we don’t really sleep together (not much sex). I think it is hurting him more than me, what or how should I handle this or do about it to keep our sex life alive? There are things he can check into w/his doctor to help his snoring but as a women…we have to realize that they require sex. That is how they are build. Give in. They feel loved, appreciated and wanted. Obviously, if there are underlying issues this response changes. But I would not stop having sex just because he snores. Heck hopefully you are not sleeping when you are having sex!!
I’ve noticed that my husband’s food intake affects his snoring. The more he eats/drinks at night – the spicier or heavier food the more he snores. Nose strips work pretty well. It also helps if I take an Advil or Tylenol pm...knocks me out and I can usually sleep thru it – not always, but usually. At least start each night in bed together.
I come from a previous marriage that had cheating throughout, without knowing it happened until the end of the marriage. My husband also comes from a past marriage with cheating, done by both of them. I am scared this will happen to us. It’s always in the back of my mind. How can I get these thoughts out of my mind and trust he won’t do it to me? It seems there is a trust issue already that may need some resolving since you have FEAR of him cheating. For me, I vowed to my myself and to God that I'd hang in there and do whatever it took to make my marriage work. Low and behold, my husband was unfaithful and God granted me the strength and courage to make it through the rebuilding process (yes, it was still very painful, but I tried to remember that God was in control)!! Through time, therapy, prayer and trust in God, our relationship was restored. All that said, make a vow to your marriage when tough times come along, including unfaithfulness, that you will do all you can (with God's help) to restore it. Trust in God, pray for your husband to have a pure heart, give your fear to God and get wise counsel!
What are tips you can offer to keep the spark in your marriage? If you have kid’s promise to give yourself a date night where you do not talk about your kids! If you do not have kids, you have a bit more freedom so try something new together. Play basketball, do ceramics, pottery, exercise together….something! Either way, schedule your date night ahead of time so things do not get in the way. Above all….laugh!! If childcare is an issue – trade with a neighbor...watch their kids for their date night – they watch your kids for your night.
How do you deal with a husband that doesn’t want to talk about issues and then gets mad when you talk to your friends about it? Choose one friend that you want to be transparent with and tell you husband that you confide in her about everything or whatever the two of you agree upon. Remember this friend needs to be Christ-like and someone your husband respects. I have one friend I tell everything to but I also know that it does not go anywhere. Is your husband mad because he is finding out from another source? If so, you did not choose the right friend to confide in.
When you notice your husband changing or you yourself are changing, how do you adjust to the change even if you don’t like who they are becoming? Focus on who God has created them t be. There is a certain part of their/our DNA that does not change if we are followers of Christ. Focus on that and grow with him. If it is us changing….if we are looking to the Lord for how we should be changing we are good to go. If we are changing into someone he does not want us to be, and we all know when we are, nothing good will come of it. We will always change but by focusing on those things we appreciate in each other, who God has made us, and keep the open communication….we’re good.
What do you do to facilitate growth in your mate (spiritual and otherwise)? Be the light. Be the one that he can go to for encouragement. Men need to know that their wife respects and values them! Focus on the growth he has made and the areas he thrives in. Try not to compare and wish he was in a different position or was someone else. Understand what it means to be a man, husband and father. I have to remind myself that it is his job to be the provider and take care of us and with that comes a whole different ball game of obstacles and challenges. My husband acts differently than I and often his actions are motivated by those roles.
When you know your husband is going to make a mistake in his choices – wrong friendships or work choices – how do you approach him without telling him what to do? Ah this is a hard one. Make sure your approach is biblical and make sure you do not approach him as a mother. Come by his side and share feelings of concern. If you question his choices you are questioning him. Men do not like to feel like they are being questioned. Use “I” language. “I feel _______ is a bad influence on our marriage because….” Once you express your feelings, if he still chooses the “mistake” then it is his call – let him make the mistake – we are not their mothers. Of course if you are proven right – NEVER, NEVER say I told you so. Now would be the time to be encouraging and compassionate that it didn’t work out for him.
What is the correct action for husbands and porn? To the point…always bringing in the biblical principles that apply. Also, realize that PLENTY of men struggle with this. Again, use “I” language and let him know how it makes you feel as his wife and woman of Christ. If you can get him to agree, you can block these things as well whether it is the internet or if he is buying pay per view. It is great for men to be in a growth group or men’s group so they have accountability and be with other men struggling (and overcoming) with the same issues.
How do you get your husband to take on the role of “head of the household?” My husband is a believer, but is hesitant to take up the spiritual leadership of the family. Make sure your definition for “head of the household” aligns with God definition. I believe we as a society often add in our own definitions. I do the bills in my house along with many other things that wives often consider being the husband’s responsibility. We motivate each other to continue our spiritual growth. Know your husband’s strengths and weakness’ and try not have expectations for your husband that align with those weakness’. Build upon his strengths. You both bring a ton to the plate. Complement each other. I view “head of the household” is the one that has the final say. I express my feelings with respect and I expect him to consider them but I am okay with his decision.
How do you get over infidelity in a marriage? Prayer!! Figure out why it happened. Really why it happened!! It takes one person to do the act but it takes two people to get the marriage to that point. At the point of infidelity, both people need to dig in deep and learn about themselves and really find out what went wrong. There’s usually a lack of love and respect on both ends. It does not excuse the act at all but I do believe more marriages can survive the awful situation if they stop pointing fingers, get into counseling and looked at the speck in their own eye. And Prayer!!!
What’s a good way of getting a point across without it becoming an argument? Safety days! Safety days is a way to communicate. One person is the “speaker” the other is the “container”. The container is not allowed to comment on what the speaker says. You have to use “I” language expressing feelings. The conversation ends and you connect again the next day, but the roles reverse. This gives you time to listen to what is said, process it and not act on emotion. Best of all, you learn to listen which is one of the most difficult tasks!
My husband snores so we don’t really sleep together (not much sex). I think it is hurting him more than me, what or how should I handle this or do about it to keep our sex life alive? There are things he can check into w/his doctor to help his snoring but as a women…we have to realize that they require sex. That is how they are build. Give in. They feel loved, appreciated and wanted. Obviously, if there are underlying issues this response changes. But I would not stop having sex just because he snores. Heck hopefully you are not sleeping when you are having sex!!
I’ve noticed that my husband’s food intake affects his snoring. The more he eats/drinks at night – the spicier or heavier food the more he snores. Nose strips work pretty well. It also helps if I take an Advil or Tylenol pm...knocks me out and I can usually sleep thru it – not always, but usually. At least start each night in bed together.
I come from a previous marriage that had cheating throughout, without knowing it happened until the end of the marriage. My husband also comes from a past marriage with cheating, done by both of them. I am scared this will happen to us. It’s always in the back of my mind. How can I get these thoughts out of my mind and trust he won’t do it to me? It seems there is a trust issue already that may need some resolving since you have FEAR of him cheating. For me, I vowed to my myself and to God that I'd hang in there and do whatever it took to make my marriage work. Low and behold, my husband was unfaithful and God granted me the strength and courage to make it through the rebuilding process (yes, it was still very painful, but I tried to remember that God was in control)!! Through time, therapy, prayer and trust in God, our relationship was restored. All that said, make a vow to your marriage when tough times come along, including unfaithfulness, that you will do all you can (with God's help) to restore it. Trust in God, pray for your husband to have a pure heart, give your fear to God and get wise counsel!
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
The Voices sound like Jelly Beans
So I have been pondering food lately…okay not really pondering maybe obsessing, certainly eating! To start with you probably need to know my history. I was ten when I first started to gain weight. My mom was overweight (yes you could and should say obese, but this is my mom, so be nice.) I actually have a weird recollection of recognizing that she was overweight and wanting to be like her. I have the same weird recollection about wearing glasses. My mom and sister both wore glasses and I didn’t. I’d sit and squint, until I think I squished my eyes into near-sightedness. Maybe I would have gotten there anyway but hours of squinting probably didn’t help. Anyway, the fat didn’t affect my eyes…so I’ll go back to talking about weight. By my teens I was definitely overweight which continued into my twenties. Then the dieting – up, down, up, down, up, down. I should have just done push ups (up down up down up down) and it might have been more effective. I don’t even remember all the random diets.
Twice I’ve lost a substantial amount of weight, once on a liquid fast….hmmmm…now that I think about it, I think both times were on a liquid fast. Lost 100 lbs or so…then happily or unhappily ate my way back to the beginning. If you read diet or self-help books, you learn that food addiction is about control…or lack of control…or self-image…or lack of self-image….or rebellion….or deprivation. Dr, Phil says it is all about internal dialog telling yourself that you are not a good person. I think Dr. Phil might be tuned to the wrong channel. My dialogue goes nothing like that. I’ve read all the diet/self help books and I’ve never had that AH HA, the part that explains what goes on in my head. I think there is a definite battle that goes on between the ears. One little voice says "I will not eat that cookie," then the other voice answers, "Oh, but it will be so good and you deserve it.” Back and forth and back and forth….
So in 2006, as I crested 300 pounds, I took a giant leap and had gastric bypass…to be exact a Roux-en-Y where the stomach is separated and a small pouch is created and connected directly to the intestine. From there I lost 150 pounds. I won’t go into all the details, hands down the single hardest thing I have ever done – it certainly is not the easy way out.
So now I am analyzing and brain debating addiction. They say it take 20 days to change a habit – wrong! Two years and I can slip into the same old eating patterns without a thought. Put a jar of jelly beans in my vicinity and all thought of restraint is gone. It is amazing to think that with just a small pouch and no stomach access that we can still gain weight, but check any magazine or ask around and everyone knows someone who gained it all back. You actually have to beat the odds, bypass the bypass so to speak. So what makes it worth it? Are jelly beans that good? Are you kidding me?
According to wikipedia: “Addiction is characterized by the compulsive use of substances or engagement of behaviors despite clear evidence to the user of consequent morbidity and/or other harmful effects.” Yup, makes total sense.
So what has to happen is to make a life-long change in my relationship with food. You’d think after gastric bypass and all the life changes it created, that this would come naturally, but no. I keep thinking it is going to take some shift in consciousness – like a switch. I hear the right thing, read the right thing and walla – switch shuts off (or turns on) and I have new perspective in controlling my food intake. In the meantime, every day is a battle of will with myself.
We create powerful obsessions with food by trying not to eat certain foods. The more we try, the worse it gets. Eventually, the only thing filling our minds will be the thought of that thing we are trying not to eat. The jelly beans are calling to me. I hear voices and they sound just like jelly beans….or oatmeal cookies…..or wheat thins…….or
As kids, we ate when hungry and stopped when satisfied. But as adults, we morphed into pleasure-centered food addicts. Why is it so hard? Why is it so difficult to eat a little less? After all, we desperately want to eat right. It is our heart's desire. We want to be thin, healthy, full of life, looking great and living life to its fullest. But instead we throw it away for 20 seconds of taste-bud pleasure. Sick.
So I have no answers and continue to seek while each day fighting to not go back to where I have been. Can you relate?
Twice I’ve lost a substantial amount of weight, once on a liquid fast….hmmmm…now that I think about it, I think both times were on a liquid fast. Lost 100 lbs or so…then happily or unhappily ate my way back to the beginning. If you read diet or self-help books, you learn that food addiction is about control…or lack of control…or self-image…or lack of self-image….or rebellion….or deprivation. Dr, Phil says it is all about internal dialog telling yourself that you are not a good person. I think Dr. Phil might be tuned to the wrong channel. My dialogue goes nothing like that. I’ve read all the diet/self help books and I’ve never had that AH HA, the part that explains what goes on in my head. I think there is a definite battle that goes on between the ears. One little voice says "I will not eat that cookie," then the other voice answers, "Oh, but it will be so good and you deserve it.” Back and forth and back and forth….
So in 2006, as I crested 300 pounds, I took a giant leap and had gastric bypass…to be exact a Roux-en-Y where the stomach is separated and a small pouch is created and connected directly to the intestine. From there I lost 150 pounds. I won’t go into all the details, hands down the single hardest thing I have ever done – it certainly is not the easy way out.So now I am analyzing and brain debating addiction. They say it take 20 days to change a habit – wrong! Two years and I can slip into the same old eating patterns without a thought. Put a jar of jelly beans in my vicinity and all thought of restraint is gone. It is amazing to think that with just a small pouch and no stomach access that we can still gain weight, but check any magazine or ask around and everyone knows someone who gained it all back. You actually have to beat the odds, bypass the bypass so to speak. So what makes it worth it? Are jelly beans that good? Are you kidding me?
According to wikipedia: “Addiction is characterized by the compulsive use of substances or engagement of behaviors despite clear evidence to the user of consequent morbidity and/or other harmful effects.” Yup, makes total sense.
So what has to happen is to make a life-long change in my relationship with food. You’d think after gastric bypass and all the life changes it created, that this would come naturally, but no. I keep thinking it is going to take some shift in consciousness – like a switch. I hear the right thing, read the right thing and walla – switch shuts off (or turns on) and I have new perspective in controlling my food intake. In the meantime, every day is a battle of will with myself.
We create powerful obsessions with food by trying not to eat certain foods. The more we try, the worse it gets. Eventually, the only thing filling our minds will be the thought of that thing we are trying not to eat. The jelly beans are calling to me. I hear voices and they sound just like jelly beans….or oatmeal cookies…..or wheat thins…….orAs kids, we ate when hungry and stopped when satisfied. But as adults, we morphed into pleasure-centered food addicts. Why is it so hard? Why is it so difficult to eat a little less? After all, we desperately want to eat right. It is our heart's desire. We want to be thin, healthy, full of life, looking great and living life to its fullest. But instead we throw it away for 20 seconds of taste-bud pleasure. Sick.
So I have no answers and continue to seek while each day fighting to not go back to where I have been. Can you relate?
Monday, April 6, 2009
A Bottomless Pit
So where does God fit in a marriage? Do I put God first or my hubby first? Of course occasionally my hubby wants to feel like a God, master of his domain etc. etc, but that aside is there room in a marriage for three? Him, me and God. In some ways, it may be easier to focus on God when you are single...channel that energy towards God, towards service, time for pray, time for reading, just time. I once had a friend tell me I spent way too much time in my own head. It think that was a subtle way of saying I spend too much time thinking about myself. He thought I should adopt a child so I would have someone else to think about. Instead I just got a new friend – seemed easier.... Anyway, now that I am married (again) seems I have very little time to think about myself. Of course I am heavily involved in ministry now, so I guess my outside focus is much more active than my inside focus. I also notice my Christian walk...my God Walk....is much more enhanced now. I need God more than I did before I was married. The struggle of living with another human day-in and day-out deepens my need for God. By personality type I struggle enough living day-to-day with the people around me (work, family, friends), but then to marry one....holy cow, that is an entirely different story.
When I was in my teens or twenties and wandering thru the dating world, my mother once told me that I was like a bottomless pit...I had high expectations that could never be fulfilled. I’ve thought about that for years. She may have been right (somewhat cruel sounding at the time, but ultimately right). I dated a lot...no one ever fulfilled me...most fell short, very short. I eventually married, nothing fulfilling there. Went back to single life...this is of course when I spent way too much time inward focused (isn’t that called narcissistic?). And then I met Mick, by far the closest anyone has ever come to meeting my expectations, to being truly fulfilling. It is so much the marriage, the man, the relationship that I have looked for, maybe even longed for my entire life. Bummer we didn’t meet until I was 45...would have been nice to add a few more years on the front end. Of course maybe we will live until we are 100 and then be truly sick of each other...who knows.
But I digress... so even with a man who really does fit almost perfectly, who meets so many of my expectations...who dare I say it...completes me (yuck!)...does God still come first? As I really ponder it, I believe it is probably not Mick that fulfills me or completes me. I think it is God working thru Mick, working in our marriage, our lives, our work. It is God filling that bottomless pit, bringing me up to a level that I can stand eye to eye with Mick and love him as he loves me, but both of us under the umbrella of God’s love – that is what truly binds up together. It is God that completes, that fulfills, that brings contentment and peace. God meets my needs. It is only when I forget this and think that I need to get all my needs, expectations and dreams met thru Mick, my husband that I’m truly disappointed. And what an unfair demand on Mick. I am asking him to do what only God can really do.
When I was in my teens or twenties and wandering thru the dating world, my mother once told me that I was like a bottomless pit...I had high expectations that could never be fulfilled. I’ve thought about that for years. She may have been right (somewhat cruel sounding at the time, but ultimately right). I dated a lot...no one ever fulfilled me...most fell short, very short. I eventually married, nothing fulfilling there. Went back to single life...this is of course when I spent way too much time inward focused (isn’t that called narcissistic?). And then I met Mick, by far the closest anyone has ever come to meeting my expectations, to being truly fulfilling. It is so much the marriage, the man, the relationship that I have looked for, maybe even longed for my entire life. Bummer we didn’t meet until I was 45...would have been nice to add a few more years on the front end. Of course maybe we will live until we are 100 and then be truly sick of each other...who knows.
But I digress... so even with a man who really does fit almost perfectly, who meets so many of my expectations...who dare I say it...completes me (yuck!)...does God still come first? As I really ponder it, I believe it is probably not Mick that fulfills me or completes me. I think it is God working thru Mick, working in our marriage, our lives, our work. It is God filling that bottomless pit, bringing me up to a level that I can stand eye to eye with Mick and love him as he loves me, but both of us under the umbrella of God’s love – that is what truly binds up together. It is God that completes, that fulfills, that brings contentment and peace. God meets my needs. It is only when I forget this and think that I need to get all my needs, expectations and dreams met thru Mick, my husband that I’m truly disappointed. And what an unfair demand on Mick. I am asking him to do what only God can really do.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
The chicken is leaking
So you get home after a 13 hour day, change to jammies, settle in front of the computer (yes it is possible to work in front of a computer all day and relax in front of one at night – yes it is an obsession, no I do not know of any meeting that will cure you or me). Anyway so I am home comfy and settled, the phone rings and I’m told the chicken is overflowing. Oh bummer…do I go or do I stay….alright the backstory.
Each year at North Coast we put on a Seder dinner. The word Seder is a Hebrew word that literally means “order.” Although the word has a number of uses, it is most commonly used to refer to the Passover Seder, a Jewish holiday. During the Passover Seder, Jewish history is relived through the reading of the Haggadah and consumption of traditional foods and drinks. During the Seder, the enslavement of the Jewish people and their exodus from Ancient Egypt is remembered. Seders are generally performed in one’s home and are considered to be a family ritual. That said, it is pretty cool that North Coast chooses to put on this “family” event for 200!
So planning and putting this event on falls under my department. Previous years we had the event catered, but me being me, I thought we should cook. Last year we had Boston Market – while it is good food, it not exactly Passover fare…and we served corn bread – a pretty big Passover no-no.
So we searched the web and came up with some amazing Passover-friendly dishes, including Apricot Marinated Chicken, Potato Kugel, Red Cabbage Salad, Grill Asparagus and Green Salad. After church Sunday, we quickly shopped, shopped, shopped then returned to church to cook, cook, cook. After 6 or so hours we had all the prep work done, everything in trays and in the frig for the night…….headed home. So when you stack metal tray on metal tray filled with slightly frozen marinated chicken – what happens? Well the chicken defrosts, the trays sink into each other and the marinade rises and rises right out of the pans…flowing thru the refrigerator, streaming out the door and onto the floor. Apricot/Mayonnaise glazy marinade in mass creeping slowly across the floor. But I am in my jammies, so do I stay or do I go……I stayed. Figured it would be just as big a mess the next day – the chicken was till marinating so whatever!
Well, the event went off on Monday night without a hitch – great time had by all – the food was pretty darn good. A little (okay a lot) of mopping of the floor and scooping mass marinade from inside the refrigerator, all is good and ready for the military wives breakfast this next weekend.
Each year at North Coast we put on a Seder dinner. The word Seder is a Hebrew word that literally means “order.” Although the word has a number of uses, it is most commonly used to refer to the Passover Seder, a Jewish holiday. During the Passover Seder, Jewish history is relived through the reading of the Haggadah and consumption of traditional foods and drinks. During the Seder, the enslavement of the Jewish people and their exodus from Ancient Egypt is remembered. Seders are generally performed in one’s home and are considered to be a family ritual. That said, it is pretty cool that North Coast chooses to put on this “family” event for 200!
So planning and putting this event on falls under my department. Previous years we had the event catered, but me being me, I thought we should cook. Last year we had Boston Market – while it is good food, it not exactly Passover fare…and we served corn bread – a pretty big Passover no-no.
So we searched the web and came up with some amazing Passover-friendly dishes, including Apricot Marinated Chicken, Potato Kugel, Red Cabbage Salad, Grill Asparagus and Green Salad. After church Sunday, we quickly shopped, shopped, shopped then returned to church to cook, cook, cook. After 6 or so hours we had all the prep work done, everything in trays and in the frig for the night…….headed home. So when you stack metal tray on metal tray filled with slightly frozen marinated chicken – what happens? Well the chicken defrosts, the trays sink into each other and the marinade rises and rises right out of the pans…flowing thru the refrigerator, streaming out the door and onto the floor. Apricot/Mayonnaise glazy marinade in mass creeping slowly across the floor. But I am in my jammies, so do I stay or do I go……I stayed. Figured it would be just as big a mess the next day – the chicken was till marinating so whatever!
Well, the event went off on Monday night without a hitch – great time had by all – the food was pretty darn good. A little (okay a lot) of mopping of the floor and scooping mass marinade from inside the refrigerator, all is good and ready for the military wives breakfast this next weekend.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
FOOTPRINTS...A New Version
Imagine you and the Lord Jesus are walking down the road together. For much of the way, the Lord's footprints go along steadily, consistently, rarely varying the pace. But your footprints are a disorganized stream of zigzags, starts, stops, turnarounds, circles, departures, and returns.
For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends!
This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one. This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.
This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.
Now you pray: 'Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You.'
'That is correct.'
'And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely.'
'Very good.. You have understood everything so far.'
When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way.'
'Precisely.'
'So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first.' There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice.
'You didn't know? It was then that we danced!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I wonder what it would feel like to dance with God? Would it be filled with joy? I found a website that you can go through a joy program, $450. The result: Feel free to just BE, and hang out in the stillness. For some reason this cracked me up. $450 to just be, I think I “be” pretty well on my own, and in the stillness – hanging out is pretty easy as well. But dancing with God, that is a lesson I might be interested in.
I remember the first time I danced with a boy. Eighth grade, a friend’s older brother. Even the song – Elton John's Yellow Brick Road. It was so awkward. He was pretty tall, me pretty short. Of course he was in high school, so “the dance” made for a pretty immediate crush. As I went into high school and started attending dances, it didn’t get much easier. I had a boyfriend so at least I always had a partner, but we could never figure out who was leading. I’ve always thought it would be cool to take dance lessons and be able to give up control and allow him to lead.
Believe it or not I danced with my hubby, Mick the first time last summer. Although I am better, I still feel the pull to lead. So what does that say about dancing with God? Ah…so obvious.
Being obedient to God, abiding in Him is a lot like dancing. Two people can’t lead, it will never be smooth, it will never flow, never be beautiful. When one person allows the other to completely lead, it’s magic to watch. Watch Dancing with Stars and you can see all levels of what I am talking about. When surrender takes place, two become one and the dance is beautiful. So how much joy comes when we truly surrender and let God lead. It is then that we can truly dance...
For much of the way, it seems to go like this, but gradually your footprints come more in line with the Lord's, soon paralleling His consistently. You and Jesus are walking as true friends!
This seems perfect, but then an interesting thing happens: Your footprints that once etched the sand next to Jesus' are now walking precisely in His steps. Inside His larger footprints are your smaller ones, you and Jesus are becoming one. This goes on for many miles, but gradually you notice another change. The footprints inside the large footprints seem to grow larger. Eventually they disappear altogether. There is only one set of footprints. They have become one.
This goes on for a long time, but suddenly the second set of footprints is back. This time it seems even worse! Zigzags all over the place. Stops. Starts. Gashes in the sand. A variable mess of prints. You are amazed and shocked. Your dream ends.
Now you pray: 'Lord, I understand the first scene, with zigzags and fits. I was a new Christian; I was just learning. But You walked on through the storm and helped me learn to walk with You.'
'That is correct.'
'And when the smaller footprints were inside of Yours, I was actually learning to walk in Your steps, following You very closely.'
'Very good.. You have understood everything so far.'
When the smaller footprints grew and filled in Yours, I suppose that I was becoming like You in every way.'
'Precisely.'
'So, Lord, was there a regression or something? The footprints separated, and this time it was worse than at first.' There is a pause as the Lord answers, with a smile in His voice.
'You didn't know? It was then that we danced!'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I wonder what it would feel like to dance with God? Would it be filled with joy? I found a website that you can go through a joy program, $450. The result: Feel free to just BE, and hang out in the stillness. For some reason this cracked me up. $450 to just be, I think I “be” pretty well on my own, and in the stillness – hanging out is pretty easy as well. But dancing with God, that is a lesson I might be interested in.
I remember the first time I danced with a boy. Eighth grade, a friend’s older brother. Even the song – Elton John's Yellow Brick Road. It was so awkward. He was pretty tall, me pretty short. Of course he was in high school, so “the dance” made for a pretty immediate crush. As I went into high school and started attending dances, it didn’t get much easier. I had a boyfriend so at least I always had a partner, but we could never figure out who was leading. I’ve always thought it would be cool to take dance lessons and be able to give up control and allow him to lead.
Believe it or not I danced with my hubby, Mick the first time last summer. Although I am better, I still feel the pull to lead. So what does that say about dancing with God? Ah…so obvious.
Being obedient to God, abiding in Him is a lot like dancing. Two people can’t lead, it will never be smooth, it will never flow, never be beautiful. When one person allows the other to completely lead, it’s magic to watch. Watch Dancing with Stars and you can see all levels of what I am talking about. When surrender takes place, two become one and the dance is beautiful. So how much joy comes when we truly surrender and let God lead. It is then that we can truly dance...
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
There Comes a Time
Someone once told me that there comes a time when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain brought on by change. I took this to mean look for your pain and find the easy way out. So I signed the divorce papers and changed my life, but never considered that maybe this actually meant that I needed to change. One of the phrases we often hear around church is that once we commit to being a follower of Christ, that God will change us from the inside out. But we still have to allow the change, move with the change and adjust to the change.
When I divorced, God didn't let go. I moved into my "new and improved" life and spiraled downward until I hit bottom. Of course at this point in time I didn't know God. God was not in my marriage or particularly in my life. I had this view of God. If you had asked me, I would have said I knew God, but I was not in relationship with him. So here is what I learned – you need God. Ah! So I guess this not a great epiphany. We all need God in our lives, but in some ways we need God even more once we are married.
The challenge of living with another person day-in and day-out deepens our need for God. There is an old cliche about two is company but three is a crowd. Wrong. Two is a marriage; three (when the third entity is God) is a good marriage, maybe a great marriage. Without God, the first bump makes you think maybe I should get out. A major crisis and the door is looking mighty good. So with God in the picture, you have an interesting option when life turns sour. God is your lifeline. God you can turn to. God you can go to. And, yes you can even ask God to change you. To lift your burdens, to change your emotions and to help you understand. God gives us grace. He accepts us with all our failings and wants to be in relationship with us. Why? How is it that we are lovable to God? And, how is it that we can’t show this same grace to people in our lives? How do we forgive, how do we show grace, how do we accept – we ask God to change us. That’s how.
When I divorced, God didn't let go. I moved into my "new and improved" life and spiraled downward until I hit bottom. Of course at this point in time I didn't know God. God was not in my marriage or particularly in my life. I had this view of God. If you had asked me, I would have said I knew God, but I was not in relationship with him. So here is what I learned – you need God. Ah! So I guess this not a great epiphany. We all need God in our lives, but in some ways we need God even more once we are married.
The challenge of living with another person day-in and day-out deepens our need for God. There is an old cliche about two is company but three is a crowd. Wrong. Two is a marriage; three (when the third entity is God) is a good marriage, maybe a great marriage. Without God, the first bump makes you think maybe I should get out. A major crisis and the door is looking mighty good. So with God in the picture, you have an interesting option when life turns sour. God is your lifeline. God you can turn to. God you can go to. And, yes you can even ask God to change you. To lift your burdens, to change your emotions and to help you understand. God gives us grace. He accepts us with all our failings and wants to be in relationship with us. Why? How is it that we are lovable to God? And, how is it that we can’t show this same grace to people in our lives? How do we forgive, how do we show grace, how do we accept – we ask God to change us. That’s how.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
First Thoughts
Expectations. I think for women expectations can be the devils playground. We form these ideas in our head how things will be, what they’ll look like, what we’ll look like, how a situation will go and then we are disappointed when it doesn't happen exactly as we envisioned. This even goes for life. No matter how you are raised, you pretty much have an expectation to unite with someone, get married, maybe have kids – oh there will be ups and downs – but mostly ups, because we’ll be different, our love will be real. It’s my expectation – visions of sugar plums dance in our heads….
But what if, what if our well-defined unspoken expectations don’t happen exactly as we envisioned? All the chick flicks, TV shows and romance novels tells us that marriage is full of bright, sunshine days and even when it’s bad, it gets is good laugh and in "30 minute sitcom-time" all is resolved. Is this how marriage really plays out?
In a recent sermon, our senior pastor talked about the constant push to take the easy way out. How at times God takes us into the wilderness, where we wander sometimes feeling lost or alone. There are usually escapes – quick exits that can be taken. But these quick exits also usually include compromises, moral or otherwise, that are not healthy to our spiritual life and certainly won’t keep our feet planted on our walk with God. So I started pondering marriage. What if your marriage is feeling like wilderness. What if you are wandering it alone? What if your expectations are not being met? What then?
I never really had a realistic view of marriage. I was raised by a single mom after my father was killed in action. From the stories she told, marriage was pretty much stress-free. My father was funny and smart and a good provider, if he ever got drunk (which was very rare) he would dance with a lampshade on his head and at the end of the 'sitcom' half-hour he would go to bed and wake up in the morning to love my mother and his family. Other facts I know to be true about my father (well at least mom never told me otherwise) are his feet didn’t smell, he never passed gas or belched, he picked up his clothes, lifted the toilet seat and closed the cover, wiped the kitchen counters, never started a project that he didn’t finish, mowed the lawn regularly, didn’t channel surf, didn’t watch sports in his underwear, didn't swear or snore. Perfect picture of a husband...alrightly then... my expectations are all set now.
So when I hit my teens and twenties and started dating, I knew what I was looking for, how he would be, that we’d get married, have two kids, a white picket fence and there was life in a nice little package. My a little more than colorful dating past and little less than colorful first marriage will have to wait for future posts, but back to marriage. Deep within us, we want to be connected. Connected to another person – that person who understands us, loves us…even likes us above all others. God did not make us to walk alone, we are meant to be with others. Our desire for marriage is similar to our need for food. It’s part of our design. But were we ever promised that it would be easy, that it would meet all our expectations? Can we really expect that other person to complete us, fulfill us, make us whole? Or maybe that is too much to ask, maybe we aren’t even asking for that. Maybe, we’d just like him to get up off the couch and voluntarily empty the trash.
The days will come where you look at your spouse and ask why? Why did I marry you? Why did you come into my life? Why did my life turn out this way? Why do you continue to wear those shorts or that shirt? So where do we go from here? And how do we not take the easy way out?
It is somewhat amazing how much time we can spend thinking about ourselves, our needs, our wants, our desires. God created marriage for men and women. In part, marriage if successful forces us out of our own selfishness. The foundation of marriage is sacrifice. It’s laying down our desires, our plans and our will, for the sake of another. It is loving another unconditionally…even when they don’t deserve it, or they snore, or they don’t wipe the kitchen counter and they wear that shirt yet again. We all fall so short of what we are meant to be, what God intended for us. Maybe we just have to allow our spouses to fall short of our expectations…after all they are our expectations, not theirs...
But what if, what if our well-defined unspoken expectations don’t happen exactly as we envisioned? All the chick flicks, TV shows and romance novels tells us that marriage is full of bright, sunshine days and even when it’s bad, it gets is good laugh and in "30 minute sitcom-time" all is resolved. Is this how marriage really plays out?
In a recent sermon, our senior pastor talked about the constant push to take the easy way out. How at times God takes us into the wilderness, where we wander sometimes feeling lost or alone. There are usually escapes – quick exits that can be taken. But these quick exits also usually include compromises, moral or otherwise, that are not healthy to our spiritual life and certainly won’t keep our feet planted on our walk with God. So I started pondering marriage. What if your marriage is feeling like wilderness. What if you are wandering it alone? What if your expectations are not being met? What then?
I never really had a realistic view of marriage. I was raised by a single mom after my father was killed in action. From the stories she told, marriage was pretty much stress-free. My father was funny and smart and a good provider, if he ever got drunk (which was very rare) he would dance with a lampshade on his head and at the end of the 'sitcom' half-hour he would go to bed and wake up in the morning to love my mother and his family. Other facts I know to be true about my father (well at least mom never told me otherwise) are his feet didn’t smell, he never passed gas or belched, he picked up his clothes, lifted the toilet seat and closed the cover, wiped the kitchen counters, never started a project that he didn’t finish, mowed the lawn regularly, didn’t channel surf, didn’t watch sports in his underwear, didn't swear or snore. Perfect picture of a husband...alrightly then... my expectations are all set now.
So when I hit my teens and twenties and started dating, I knew what I was looking for, how he would be, that we’d get married, have two kids, a white picket fence and there was life in a nice little package. My a little more than colorful dating past and little less than colorful first marriage will have to wait for future posts, but back to marriage. Deep within us, we want to be connected. Connected to another person – that person who understands us, loves us…even likes us above all others. God did not make us to walk alone, we are meant to be with others. Our desire for marriage is similar to our need for food. It’s part of our design. But were we ever promised that it would be easy, that it would meet all our expectations? Can we really expect that other person to complete us, fulfill us, make us whole? Or maybe that is too much to ask, maybe we aren’t even asking for that. Maybe, we’d just like him to get up off the couch and voluntarily empty the trash.
The days will come where you look at your spouse and ask why? Why did I marry you? Why did you come into my life? Why did my life turn out this way? Why do you continue to wear those shorts or that shirt? So where do we go from here? And how do we not take the easy way out?
It is somewhat amazing how much time we can spend thinking about ourselves, our needs, our wants, our desires. God created marriage for men and women. In part, marriage if successful forces us out of our own selfishness. The foundation of marriage is sacrifice. It’s laying down our desires, our plans and our will, for the sake of another. It is loving another unconditionally…even when they don’t deserve it, or they snore, or they don’t wipe the kitchen counter and they wear that shirt yet again. We all fall so short of what we are meant to be, what God intended for us. Maybe we just have to allow our spouses to fall short of our expectations…after all they are our expectations, not theirs...
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