Can you actually hear your own heart break?

Twenty-four hours ago I left my nephew Michael in his new apartment in Schaumburg Illinois. So can you actually hear your own heart break? Wow didn't think it would be so hard. Certainly with the abundance of technology and my whole family being such technological geeks...cell, text, email, Facebook, Skype...staying in touch is not an issue, but that said it was tough. Really tough. I recently blogged about not being a mother, and understanding that God had other plans for my maternal instincts such that they are, but it has also been very clear to me over the past year or so (or maybe 24 years) that I would be hard pressed to care about someone more than I do Mike. He is in a good place. Great new job, actually impressive new job. Beautiful apartment. A girl he loves, who loves him deeply (and is good for him.). I couldn't ask for more ... Other than still living 5 minutes from us so I could touch in, so he could drop by the office, so I grab him for an occasional dinner. Driving away I swear I heard my heart break and it still hurts.....guess that's why they have frequent flyer miles.

The past is present

Never been a big one for emotions. But wow the last few days have been a whirlwind. Not exactly tornado whirlwind but whirlwind just the same. Sunday morning we got up early, early crawled back into our uHaul and went into Bucyrus Mo. When my granddad lived there it was home to 30 people. The Internet now claims some 500 but you sure can't tell. All looks the same except the little one room gas station, general store, post office is now abandoned. There is a new little brick post office proudly proclaiming Bucyrus Missouri. Along Route 17 was the driveway/turnoff to my granddads farm. It was cool that I remembered. We parked the truck and trailer on the street, set the emergency lights blinking and walked down the long dirt driveway. The trees reach out to each other and cover the way making it feel like we were truly walking back into times gone by. Since it was early morn and the folks now living there would still be sleeping, we stopped at the bottom if the driveway. The house was still there though now robin egg blue with new expansions and a double car garage. There was a new barn as well, but in the background stood the original red barn and old one bedroom green house. The rest looked the same, still 100 acres nestled in trees sitting in the Ozarks. This time I think it's true that it would be the last time I walked down the driveway. I did pick up a couple stones off the driveway to take with me. Then we headed to the truck before the folks woke up and spotted two Californians stealing rocks off their driveway in the early morning hours.

Heading to Chicago we wandered thru the Ozarks river ways...beautiful country. We stopped at Allie Spring where there is an old grain mill. The spring itself pours out 81 million of spring water a day!! Amazing. My grandma was born in Alley Springs so another cool thing to share with Mick. The rest of the day was spent driving to Chicago. Great talks along the way about love, marriage, families and histories. Still amazes me that I have things to learn about this husband of mine!

Although we spent almost all of Sunday in Missouri, we saw no tornados, no bad weather....just beautiful green countryside and the inside of a uHaul. Next Chicago...