Kind of a cool idea...

Although I was in retail for many years (yes selling random stuff made in China, but also selling books - if that counts), I love the idea of supporting our local small businesses and entrepreneurs. Read on....
Christmas 2011 -- Birth of a New Tradition

As the holidays approach, the giant factories are kicking into high gear to provide Americans with monstrous piles of cheaply produced goods and merchandise that we don't really need. Do any of us really need one more "thing." We are so rich as a society, so rich as a nation. Even the poorest of us have such wealth in comparison to 90% of the world’s population. We live in the world's wealthiest nation, yet 13 percent of people living in the United States live in poverty. Statistics say that nearly one in four children live in households that struggle to put food on the table.

Ah, but it is the season of giving, let the shopping wars begin. What if this year was just a bit different? What if we include the gift of genuine concern for our neighbors. It's time to think outside the box. Who says a gift needs to fit in a shirt box? Two ideas to consider:

GIVE A GIFT OF SERVICE:

Everyone -- yes EVERYONE gets their hair cut. How about gift certificates from your local hair salon or barber?

Who wouldn't appreciate getting their car detailed? Small, locally owned detail shops and car washes would love to sell you a gift certificate or a book of gift certificates.

Are you one of those extravagant givers? Perhaps that grateful gift receiver would like his driveway sealed, or lawn mowed for the summer, or a foursome to the local golf course.

There are a lots of owner-run restaurants -- all offering gift certificates. And, if your intended isn't the fancy eatery sort, what about a half dozen breakfasts at the local breakfast joint. We’re not talking big National chains -- this is about supporting your home town neighbors with their financial lives on the line to keep their doors open.

How many people couldn't use an oil change for their car, truck or motorcycle, done at a shop run by the local working guy?

Thinking about a heartfelt gift for mom? Mom would LOVE the services of a local cleaning lady for a day. (so would your favorite ministry lead – Ha!!)

My computer could use a tune-up, and I KNOW I can find some young guy who is struggling to get his repair business up and running.

OK, you were looking for something more personal. Local crafts people spin their own wool and knit them into scarves. They make jewelry, and pottery and beautiful wooden boxes.

Plan your holiday outings at local, owner operated restaurants and leave your server a nice tip. And, how about going out to see a play or ballet at your hometown theatre. Musicians need love too, so find a venue showcasing local bands or selling locally produced music.

As part of celebrating the season, lets encourage American small businesses to keep plugging away to follow their dreams. And, when we care about our neighbors, we care about our communities, and the benefits come back to us in ways we couldn't imagine.

GIVE A GIFT OF GIVING:

There are lots of worthy organizations who live and die by the donations we give. Have a cat lover in your family – make a donation to the Humane Society in their name instead of buying them yet one more cat statue.

Instead of buying your sister that pink sweater, donate towards finding a cure for Breast Cancer in her name. (or Brain Cancer, or Heart Disease, or….)

How about feeding the hungry or the homeless in someone’s name?

We want to be festive and celebrate the season, but do you REALLY need to buy another ten thousand lights for the house? When you buy a five dollar string of light, about fifty cents stays in the community. Instead how about leave the mailman, trash guy or babysitter a nice BIG tip.

GET CREATIVE

Six years ago, when we really needed it, Mick and I received an unexpected check in the mail.  It was from a couple in our growth group just reaching out to help make Christmas a little better for us. Six months later when we got on our feet, we used the same amount of money to launch the military minsitry. Each Christmas, Mick and I ask God to put before us a need that has our name on it, a place for us to “spend” our Christmas money. We may have less “stuff” under the tree, but our hearts are filled each year by the people we can reach and the ability to show Gods love.  

So whether you support local business or non-profit organizations this Christmas, be thoughtful in your gift-giving. This is a time for caring about each other, as God cared about each and every one of us, and isn't that what the Christmas message is all about?

Is Truth Relative?

We’ve all heard the phrase that Truth is Relative. Is it? Biblically truth is truth. It’s pretty black and white when you think about. My mother used to say my grandmother was a compulsive liar. Didn’t really matter what subject, big or little, just stretched, exaggerated or manipulated the truth. If it was sprinkling outside, she’d call it a downpour. A friend was 15 minutes late; she’d call it an hour. Nothing was ever exactly true, it was more of a moving target. Then again, how would you know if it was truth or not? Have you been there?

Money problems are often cited as the number one cause of divorce in America, but it's impossible to calculate because they are part of a larger cause usually called 'irreconcilable differences', which basically means that couple couldn't get along. I wonder how much are the actual money problems and stresses surrounding it or the dishonesty that starts growing around it. It’s interesting that someone who wouldn’t outright lie about something that did or didn’t happen, will lie about how much they spent, how much they make or how much debt they really have.

As we begin leading our 9th Financial Peace Course, we are once again faced with the unnerving reality of how many couples walk separate paths financially within their relationship, and the subtle and not so subtle dishonesties that occur.

I had a friend who used to buy clothes, take them home and hide them in the closet. When she wore something new and her husband asked about it, she would sharply or laughingly say, no I’ve had this a long time…you’ve seen it before. Lie? Well it’s not the truth.

I know a man who continues to gamble…just a little, mostly on a credit card…but over time getting farther and farther behind. His wife doesn’t know.

A spouse who doesn’t know how much the other makes, is actually under the impression its much less.

And then there is lying for the “right” reasons. Not wanting to disappoint or let down your significant other. Accruing debt, spending too much, not being honest about where you stand, the state of finances or even job cutbacks or losses.

The truth is relative? No the truth is truth. The truth is vital to the health of a relationship. Truth is the lifeblood of a marriage….it encompasses respect, value, security, love and communication. If you can’t trust the little things (that a sprinkle is not a downpour, or visa versa) then you’ll never be able to trust or survive the big things. Truth builds the foundation and lies will undermine the foundation quicker than anything. I don’t think money problems are the cause of divorce. I think the dishonesty that can surround money problems are more the issue.

Its hard to come clean, but harder to maintain a lie knowing the ground beneath you is eroding. Just an observation.

What can I do today?

This past week I have been talking to a friend about marriage. It has reminded me how important it is to keep your eye on the ball. Back in May, I realized spring was upon us and it was time to reestablish my garden. Last year, we ate out of the garden almost all summer – lettuce, tomatoes, peppers, corn, etc. etc. So I enthusiastically planted a few things to get started – some cucumbers, zucchini and peppers. We then took a 12-day vacation to Chicago. After coming home it took a few days to settle in and I then climbed the hill to check out the garden. I half-expected the new plants to be dead or at least slumped over and crying for water. But they weren’t! They were gone. No sign of them what-so-ever. Not sure if they were dragged under by a gopher or hauled off by a raccoon, but they were nowhere to be seen.

So I realize this is really a lame analogy but it’s where my mind is today. You can take a perfectly healthy marriage, plant it in a perfectly good environment, surround it with perfectly good friends but if you don’t watch it, tend to it, care for it – you may just wake up and it’s gone. Marriage is hard. If it is not now, it will be some day, at some point.

I recently heard a pastor speak at a wedding and I loved his explanation, he said that we are called to love our spouse in the same way God loves us. We can never earn it, we don’t deserve it but He loves us anyway with all our faults and as often as we disappoint Him. We let God down so often, over and over we stumble, but He is faithful, loves us and gives us so much grace. Can we do that for our spouse? Continue to support and to build them up when they stumble, fail and disappoint? Can they do the same for us?

Everyday I wake up and pray that God will use me and that today I can serve Him well. Everyday I also pray how can I best love my husband today? How can I let him know that he is my priority? How can I best serve him today? God first, Husband second…all else after that. If you have God in the proper place and perspective, and spouse I the proper place and perspective everything else falls in line.

The busyness of life and the stresses of work, school, parenting can take their toll on your marriage. You cannot take your eye off the ball, so here are a few things to think about:

1. Make your marriage your priority.

Wake up thinking about your marriage. Write it on your bathroom mirror, your screen saver or your cell phone. WHAT CAN I DO TODAY TO LOVE MY HUSBAND (or wife) BETTER?

2. Keep in touch.

Check in on each other during the day – even just a text to remind them that you are thinking about them. Partners connect and talk often. Don’t let all the conversation be about kids, work, bills, stresses…sometime it needs to just be an I Love You, I Miss you or I am thinking about you.

3. Do the unexpected.

Surprise your spouse! Planning something special is an excellent way to infuse romance into your relationship….dinner, movie, special tv night, an evening walk. Put the kids to bed early or let them stay over at a neighbors. Don’t tell your spouse – make it a surprise. Lame but even the smallest surprises can feel like the biggest.

4. Talk about your personal goals.

Sit down together and talk about what you want out of life, what you want to achieve as a couple and personally. Write these down. Review them and modify them every few months. This makes you aware of what your spouse wants and their goals. This is vital and should also include financial goals.

5. Do not criticize.

Do not put down or criticize your spouse in front of other people. Instead, decide that you will both commit to build up and support each other when talking to other people. We have all been around couples who continually criticize – it is just plain uncomfortable for everyone. If you want your spouse to be a better person, help them become one by building them up, supporting them and loving them. People grow from care, not from criticism. NEVER criticize them in public – whether family or friends – it is not the place. If you have something to say, say it later in private.

6. Never go to bed angry.

My mama always said, never go to bed angry. If you are hurt, disappointed or upset with something that happened, discuss it. Do not enter into an argument but talk openly about what it was that bothered you and why. If it is a sensitive subject or things tend to turn into an argument easily, go to a public place. Sitting in a restaurant talking can often keep things much calmer that it might at home. Women – make sure you allow plenty of silent space for him to express his views, his concerns or opinions. We as women, ALWAYS over talk our men and then complain they don’t share enough.

7. Be quick to forgive and quick to say sorry.

Can you truly say you are sorry? Can you apologize for a situation or circumstance? Take the blame, take the responsibility. Often we are so busy looking at our part of the hurt we don’t see their part, or the piece we played. Its 50/50 folks. Actually its 70/70 – we should always be willing to take more of the responsibility. If we both take 70% of the responsibility we can’t help but meet it the middle. Talk things through, but make sure you are both talking.

8. Compliment your spouse - OFTEN.

Take time to notice everyday things that your spouse does like taking out the trash, playing with the kids, picking up the dog poop, doing the shopping. This shows your spouse that you appreciate them and the things that they do and you do not take for granted the effort they put into it. If you compliment these actions they will be much more willing to do it next time. Compliment often…how they look, what they wear….watch for things. It makes them feel good and reminds you of the things you love about them. It’s a win/win.

9.  Be There

I had a friend once whose husband was a Cop – he got off work at 2AM. She had to get up for work at 6AM. She would go to bed at 9PM, to get up at 2AM, then back to bed with him at 3-4AM, up at 6AM and off to work. I asked her once why and she said if she was not available at 2AM to talk, to welcome him home, to help him decompress after work, she was sure there would be a midnight waitress somewhere who would be willing. I’ve always remembered that. Sometimes all your spouse needs is someone to be there, not event o talk just to love and support. If they are having a difficult day, respect that and give them space if needed.

I guess my final thought is this….when I search on the internet on loving your spouse I get over and over what women want, what men need to do to please their wives, to keep her happy. OK wives – what are you doing? Do you wake up each day and say how can I best love him today. How can I empower him, build him and make him my priority? I have found the more I love, build and care for my husband the better and better he treats me. I am treated like a queen but a lot of it has to do with treating him as my daily priority.

Dancing with Jesus

Today I went to the funeral of a two year old. I watched her father, a 24-year old Marine, talk about his daughter with such grace. I so love “my” military families and although it makes me sound old, I am so proud of them as I watch them journey through life. No parent should ever experience the loss of a child. It is not how it should be. We should come into this life, live 95.3 years and die quietly in our sleep. But that is not always how it goes. It is actually rarely how it goes. One day you are playing in the park with your child, or snuggling on the couch or watching a movie together and the next day, they are gone. I can’t imagine the hole left behind.

After my father’s death, my mom always said it is not something you ever get over, it is something you learn to live with. Those words have always stuck with me. After my mother’s death, they rang even truer. The pain of loss remains, the hole remains. We build lives around it, we go on, we thrive, we live, we have joy again … but the hole is there. The hole that only that person, that friend, that parent, that child can fill. Over time I think the hole fills with memories and stories making it less painful but none the less it is still a hole.

Today was one of those days that I feel so blessed to be part of North Coast Church. I stood and listened to our Pastor talk about the loss and gently move the family thru the service, thru the reception, thru the burial. His words were powerful. His message was of hope. He spoke about how temporary our life is here…how this is just a blip in eternity. In the bible Peter writes about living in the tent of this body. Our body is just a tent…temporary. Chris said how much stock do you put in a tent? Do you build a driveway to it, put patios around it, install a Jacuzzi…no it’s temporary. You never plan to stay in the tent, you always plan to move on to a “real” place to live…that’s eternity. Everything here is temporary…a blip.

I felt blessed today. I have attended funerals my whole life, a lot of them in fact. Standing out by the graveside, kind of watching from the side, I experienced one of those moments that will have lasting impact. Hard to put into words but something along the lines of out of all the deaths I’ve seen and all the funerals I’ve attended, today I felt such peace in knowing, truly knowing, that eternity is there for us. In a way I always think we are waiting for God, but God is also waiting for us, we just leave our tent behind and go. Something profound in that.
So today I grieve with this couple and I share in the joy that their little girl is with our God, dancing with Jesus.

Then the wheel fell off the wagon

Sitting in a motel in Wells Nevada population 1500...not much to do but wonder. At the beginning of the trip I pondered how these towns sprouted up. The wheel fell off the wagon train, everyone looked around and said yeah this will do. So driving thru the desert last night the wheel fell off our wagon (actually the Mini threw a plug) - same result. We pushed the mini off the road into the loose sand, and sat. It got dark, very dark, desert dark. And cold, very cold, desert cold, snow cold. We called AAA (big shout out to AT&T for cell coverage. If there had been cell coverage 100 years ago would be have less towns as folks could have moved on to the next already established place?) Anyway I discovered that I have a high degree of anxiety sitting in a little cold box on the side of a dark road. Very appreciative that Mick was with me, however... I am generally very calm and logical during emergencies or unpredictable situations, but not so much here. The panic was rising, the windows fogged up so I couldn't see out, the little red hazard light loudly clicked on and off and the big rigs shook the little car as they sped by. And of course it was raining off and on. And no bathroom nearby. Even outside wasn't an option as it was 33 degrees.

We eventually got picked up and towed to Wells. The motel is pretty dingy, no or almost no hot water, no food places in site, but yeah for wi-fi. I can see a McDonalds near the highway and a gas station which I suppose has a convenience store. Of course being we are in Nevada, there is a small Casino up near the road. Hmmmmm...we don't have hot water, you can't rent a car or a uhaul for 200 miles but if you'd like to gamble, the Casino is waiting. The motel staff said we can call the Casino, they will send a van to pick us up and the only restaurant in town is in the Casino if we want something to eat.

So our little car sits alone on the street. There are two mechanics in town - one recommended, one not. They don't reopen until Tuesday and so far when mentioning the Mini Cooper we get the blank stare and the we don't see many of those in these parts answer. So we plan to tow home. Interestingly enough it is cheaper to rent from Vista and beg friends to come rescue us than to find a way to rent up here. Plus nearest rental is about 100 miles and the only option is an 18 foot uHaul with a tow dolly, which is bigger than what we originally took to Chicago!

So we sit and wait, it's raining outside with little bursts of snow. We walked the two miles to the mini cooper earlier today to rescue some snacks and work for Mick to do. Maybe if I'm really nice my sweetheart will take me out for a night on the town with a chilly walk to McDonalds or we will really live it up with a van ride to the Casino.

Can you actually hear your own heart break?

Twenty-four hours ago I left my nephew Michael in his new apartment in Schaumburg Illinois. So can you actually hear your own heart break? Wow didn't think it would be so hard. Certainly with the abundance of technology and my whole family being such technological geeks...cell, text, email, Facebook, Skype...staying in touch is not an issue, but that said it was tough. Really tough. I recently blogged about not being a mother, and understanding that God had other plans for my maternal instincts such that they are, but it has also been very clear to me over the past year or so (or maybe 24 years) that I would be hard pressed to care about someone more than I do Mike. He is in a good place. Great new job, actually impressive new job. Beautiful apartment. A girl he loves, who loves him deeply (and is good for him.). I couldn't ask for more ... Other than still living 5 minutes from us so I could touch in, so he could drop by the office, so I grab him for an occasional dinner. Driving away I swear I heard my heart break and it still hurts.....guess that's why they have frequent flyer miles.

The past is present

Never been a big one for emotions. But wow the last few days have been a whirlwind. Not exactly tornado whirlwind but whirlwind just the same. Sunday morning we got up early, early crawled back into our uHaul and went into Bucyrus Mo. When my granddad lived there it was home to 30 people. The Internet now claims some 500 but you sure can't tell. All looks the same except the little one room gas station, general store, post office is now abandoned. There is a new little brick post office proudly proclaiming Bucyrus Missouri. Along Route 17 was the driveway/turnoff to my granddads farm. It was cool that I remembered. We parked the truck and trailer on the street, set the emergency lights blinking and walked down the long dirt driveway. The trees reach out to each other and cover the way making it feel like we were truly walking back into times gone by. Since it was early morn and the folks now living there would still be sleeping, we stopped at the bottom if the driveway. The house was still there though now robin egg blue with new expansions and a double car garage. There was a new barn as well, but in the background stood the original red barn and old one bedroom green house. The rest looked the same, still 100 acres nestled in trees sitting in the Ozarks. This time I think it's true that it would be the last time I walked down the driveway. I did pick up a couple stones off the driveway to take with me. Then we headed to the truck before the folks woke up and spotted two Californians stealing rocks off their driveway in the early morning hours.

Heading to Chicago we wandered thru the Ozarks river ways...beautiful country. We stopped at Allie Spring where there is an old grain mill. The spring itself pours out 81 million of spring water a day!! Amazing. My grandma was born in Alley Springs so another cool thing to share with Mick. The rest of the day was spent driving to Chicago. Great talks along the way about love, marriage, families and histories. Still amazes me that I have things to learn about this husband of mine!

Although we spent almost all of Sunday in Missouri, we saw no tornados, no bad weather....just beautiful green countryside and the inside of a uHaul. Next Chicago...

Day two...wow is it only day two. We have crossed five states and now sit in Houston Missouri...a hour and half east of Springfield along the Arkansas border give or take. My grandfather had a farm here and we came many a time to visit as a kid. When he passed 23 years ago, mom and I came back, cleaned out the farm and sold it. Driving away I remember talking about how there would never be a reason to return. So here I sit, in the Southern Inn motel...maybe even the same room I shared with my mom 23 years ago. Weird. We just ate at Sonic Burger. Now Mick and I live just two blocks from Sonic in Vista - we can see it from our porch and have never eaten there. But here in Missouri, we used to eat at this particular Sonic as a kid...of course it was the only fast food place in town. Now it shares that status with McDonalds - no surprise there. Houston also has the first Walmart I ever experienced back when Walmart was confined to Arkansas/Missouri. Driving in from California, we were amazed at this "superstore" with their low prices and great selection...this Sam Walton guy was on to something!

So I feel as if I have travelled back in time...my mom, my grampa...how'd I get here and why? Cool to share with Mick as these were people who left my life long before I met Mick. Tomorrow we'll see if we can find the farm - 100 acres along Route 17. No reason to find it other that curiosity....hopefully it's not a Lowes or Home Depot or car lot, but from the looks of the town not too much has changed.

We watched teens at Sonic in their shiney trucks with unmuffled mufflers hanging out on a Saturday night, cruising the main drag (actually there is only one drag. One way into town, one way out). While we ate we watched them circle 3-4 times finally converging in the parking lot of the Town and Country market to do donuts and tire burns in the parking lot, while a carload of girls watched on.

Maybe time only marches on in California...

Things to ponder while on the road...

5:00 this morning we headed to Chicago. Mike, my oldest nephew is moving there for work, for life, for love. So Mick and I loaded a truck with his two trashbags of belongings, his girls household of furnishings and their collective 5 foot television, strapped the mini-Cooper to the back of the uHaul and off we go. It's amazing the things you both see and think when you have hours of driving across country. First, let's just get this out of the way, if you need to take a long trek to Chicago and really want to get there quick, quit caffeine for 5 years as I have done and then reinstate it just for one trip. Right now I could drive us to the moon, and maybe back again. It's sort of like taking noDoze in college, but now it's double packs of crystal light with added caffeine.

As you travel thru these little towns (we are currently about an hour east of Flagstaff on Route 40), many a town begs the question Why? I just assume it is where the wheel fell of the wagon so the train stopped and settled. There really is no other logical explanation. Daggett California...why? Needles for that matter, other than the ability to collect $5 for a gallon of gas...why? Needles has even been romanticized in both song and movie...maybe it's a different Needles.....gateway to California.

So we are seeing big expanse of nothingness and a bit of rain. Mike and Chelsea are on the "high road" currently passing thru Denver and it's snowing on them. Good luck California boy....get used to it, might want to change those flip-flops. My sister is traveling in Mikes car with friends also Somewhere on the "high road". It's like our own version of the Amazing Race - who will find Chicago first. More to come...

A Mother by any other name...

Ah. Mothers Day…always an odd day. My brain goes back and forth all day….I’m not a mom, I don’t have a mom, I’m not a mom, I don’t have a mom…always a weird day. As a female everybody wishes you a Happy Mother’s Day, they don’t know it but I always feel awkward answering. I realized half way thru the day that I always just smile and say thank you…hmmm, I should be saying “you too”. So next person who said Happy Mother’s Day, I said “you, too!”…then realized she was about 15. Oh well…back to awkward.

Then of course you have the “Happy Mother’s Day, if you are a mother.” OK – that’s no better. Anyway always a weird day. Does remind me how much I miss my mom. She was a pretty cool mom, nothing “normal” about her – certainly not typical. But that is what I loved. If you quizzed my sister and I you would think we grew up with an entirely different mom, in an entirely different household – funny how our perspectives, impressions and memories can be so very different when we truly were in the same house with the same mom.

I remember my mom as bigger than life. Very intelligent, reserved, a voracious thirst for knowledge and eccentric as all get out. Highly creative, she loved Halloween and made amazing haunted houses, designed stage scenery when we were in dance and later went on to open a new age bookstore with all the strange and odd things that go with that. Most of all I remember her as my biggest fan. She had such an incredible impact on me clear into adulthood, but also was my greatest supporter as I traversed my twenties. When she died I remember thinking ‘who will be my support’? Who will be my fan? Of course I hadn’t met my husband Mick yet … so never knew there were two of them in this world that God would bless me with. Anyway…

The other special day this weekend was Military Spouse Day on Friday. It made me think of all my “wives” and what a heart I have for all of you. The road you travel, the strength you have, the men you support and of course the trouble you get into!! I so love being involved in your lives and having the opportunity to occasionally make a difference, to maybe lighten your load a bit. I just love the spirit and courage of “my wives.” Of course my mom was a military wife, married to a young marine at 18. She loved him and understood that she married the Corps, not just the man. She never lost that love and even 30 years after his death both cherished his memory and his Corps.

So on this Mothers Day, I thank God for the mother I had and to all my military wives out there, it’s a comfort to know a women like her, raised a women like me, so that whenever the opportunity presents I can mother you…even if just a little bit! HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!

Coming To You from Under the Bus

Around our office we use a phrase….being thrown under the bus. If we have all the right people in the right seats on the bus, every once in awhile someone comes along to throw you under the bus. Occasionally I think it would be fun to have a signature line that says “coming to you from under the bus”. One thing I do know, the view from under the bus can be quite cloudy. I don’t know about everyone else buy I seem to run in very clear cycles…all is going well, or everything’s derailing at once. Nothing big and dramatic just little things but the visual is when Forrest Gump starts to run for the first time and his leg braces split apart and fall off in slow motion. Get the picture? Are you with me?

One of my military wives described it as driving down the street and your hubcaps fall off one by one, then a mirror drops off, then a door, then….but you are still driving along hanging on to the wheel hoping it doesn’t come off in your hands. Ever feel that way?

There is a clear answer, don’t hang on to the wheel, hang on to God, let Him take the wheel. Then when a hubcap spins off and rolls into the gutter you can watch and say wow, must not need that, guess that hubcap wasn’t in God’s plan for me.

And I guess some times it is okay to hang out under the bus…its humbling, it’s a time for reflection, a time for self evaluation. But when all is said and done, you need to climb back on the bus and let God take you where He chooses. He always has a plan, and the ride is pretty exciting.