We’ve all heard the phrase that Truth is Relative. Is it? Biblically truth is truth. It’s pretty black and white when you think about. My mother used to say my grandmother was a compulsive liar. Didn’t really matter what subject, big or little, just stretched, exaggerated or manipulated the truth. If it was sprinkling outside, she’d call it a downpour. A friend was 15 minutes late; she’d call it an hour. Nothing was ever exactly true, it was more of a moving target. Then again, how would you know if it was truth or not? Have you been there?
Money problems are often cited as the number one cause of divorce in America, but it's impossible to calculate because they are part of a larger cause usually called 'irreconcilable differences', which basically means that couple couldn't get along. I wonder how much are the actual money problems and stresses surrounding it or the dishonesty that starts growing around it. It’s interesting that someone who wouldn’t outright lie about something that did or didn’t happen, will lie about how much they spent, how much they make or how much debt they really have.
As we begin leading our 9th Financial Peace Course, we are once again faced with the unnerving reality of how many couples walk separate paths financially within their relationship, and the subtle and not so subtle dishonesties that occur.
I had a friend who used to buy clothes, take them home and hide them in the closet. When she wore something new and her husband asked about it, she would sharply or laughingly say, no I’ve had this a long time…you’ve seen it before. Lie? Well it’s not the truth.
I know a man who continues to gamble…just a little, mostly on a credit card…but over time getting farther and farther behind. His wife doesn’t know.
A spouse who doesn’t know how much the other makes, is actually under the impression its much less.
And then there is lying for the “right” reasons. Not wanting to disappoint or let down your significant other. Accruing debt, spending too much, not being honest about where you stand, the state of finances or even job cutbacks or losses.
The truth is relative? No the truth is truth. The truth is vital to the health of a relationship. Truth is the lifeblood of a marriage….it encompasses respect, value, security, love and communication. If you can’t trust the little things (that a sprinkle is not a downpour, or visa versa) then you’ll never be able to trust or survive the big things. Truth builds the foundation and lies will undermine the foundation quicker than anything. I don’t think money problems are the cause of divorce. I think the dishonesty that can surround money problems are more the issue.
Its hard to come clean, but harder to maintain a lie knowing the ground beneath you is eroding. Just an observation.
