Wow..what a couple weeks! I went into surgery October 6th. All went well with the surgery until time to go home when I had a little problem staying conscious anytime I was vertical. In the end we had Mick and myself, my surgeon, the surgical nurse, the office nurse and some other random office people all in the parking garage trying to keep me conscious long enough to get me back inside the building.
Passing out is weird...I just felt like I wanted to sleep. I’d close by eyes and feel like I’d doze off then everyone would yell and put smelling salts under my nose and 3-4 minutes later I’d wake up. Then move and we’d start all over again. In the end I ended up in the hospital for a couple days while they figured out where I was losing blood. Two days later I had a second surgery to sort of vacuum me out remove pooling blood and fixing any leaks. So I came home after that and all’s been pretty good. I am really surprised how little pain I’ve actually had. Of course, these amazing little white pills they gave me seem to help a whole lot with any pain issues.
So I’m now confined (sort of) to the couch. It’s been fun though...friends have been bringing meals and it’s like a taste test every night. Mick is in heaven! So cool to have a hot meal for him every night and I don’t have to do a thing. I could get used to this. Of course sitting on the couch has given me lots and lots of time to think. Well actually I am in a four hour cycle. Take a pill – sleep for 3 hours – wake for one...take a pill sleep for three, wake for one etc. Anyway, so during the one hour waking time, I’ve been thinking...
My surgery was elective. I have the advantage of “needing it” due to weight loss. But it did make me think a lot about the choices we make to fit in, to feel better about ourselves, to change into someone or something we think we are not. I saw these beautiful girls in the surgeons office and couldn’t help but wonder what were they having done, fixed, nipped or tucked. Did they really need it? They looked modelish, yet they were in being "fixed".
We spend so much time trying to be other than we are. As I am approaching the great age of 50, I am acutely aware that I don’t seek the same public approval as I did when I was younger. I now get my “approval” some from my husband and most from my relationship with God. Of course some is just age and I got tired of asking for some illusive approval that never really came. But boy do I remember being in my teens, 20’s and even 30’s and constantly seeking to fit in to get approval from who...the cool people? The in-crowd? The next door neighbors? and so on. I remember once going to pick up my nephews from a swim lesson. I arrived early so went over and sat by a couple of my sisters neighbors, whom I had met a few times. They got up and moved! Yikes. Guess I didn’t fit into that neighborhood.
Anyway, I have a friend in their 20’s struggling with the need to fit in. They morph and change to fit whatever crowd they are trying to fit into, so much so that they no longer have a grasp on who they are. Have you been there? I lived there for a lot of years. If we could just see ourselves as God sees us. When a mother sees her child, she knows this child is the most beautiful thing she could ever see. He/she is perfect... every grin, every action, every moment – they are beautiful, they are perfect, they are amazing. That is how God sees us – we are His daughter, we are his Son and we are perfect his His eyes. It is only in our own eyes that we have to measure up to someone else.
So time for another pill and I’ll catch you all in 3 hours...
